Is a feeling that I have spent my entire life both afraid of experiencing and terrified of not embracing. Growing up in a family that was close, kind and honest...openly loving was not at the top of our list. I actually had never heard either of my parents say they "loved me" until this year. I am 33 years old and pretty sure that it's unusual for parents to not say those simple words that often. I know that it's not because the feelings are not there, but instead my parents are private people and don't feel comfortable sharing their emotions. But as a result, I am unfamiliar with love.
Of course I have felt love and I have felt the pain that often accompanies love. I am currently in love with somebody who wears their emotions for everybody to see. I love that quality, but I also fear that quality. How do I move past that fear? How do I trust that the pain isn't right around the corner? How do I explain this love to my family? I have moments of complete clarity...and I have moments when my fears are so large that they totally consume all of who I am. My fear translates into lack of caring and it's really the farthest from the truth. How do I get past my fears?