Those are words that I wasn't sure would ever come out of my mouth. I have dreamed of being married most of my life. Not the actual wedding, dress, cake, etc. But instead, I dreamed of having a person who was my other half. A person who was now my "tribe" and we would build a life together through both the good and bad. But I have had many ups and downs and even more in betweens of nothing.
But I found my person. I found the person who brings me joy, laughter, enlightenment, encouragement and support. Ad she asked me to marry her in the most romantic way I could have imaged. I felt pure bliss from the thought that she wanted to marry me. That we will be our forevers...
And since that pure moment of bliss I have found out that my mom is devastated that I really am gay. Devastated that I am not fulfilling her dream of marrying a man. The exact fear that I had when first coming out and then again when I forced the conversation again years later. But this feels worse than if it had come at that time because she has shared my love and life over the years. She has been a supporter of my life and the joy that is clearly part of my life. And in the one moment when I feel the joy and love that I have waited 41 years to have she feels sadness, disappointment and shame.
I am going to continue forward every day and plan the best celebration of my love. I know that both of my parents will join the celebration and be present at the moment. It may not be what I had dreamed but I am going to focus on the parts that bring me joy.
So many years, so many ups and downs, and finally I have found myself. And in the process of finding myself I found my person. I am getting married.