tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90836639780789437062024-03-14T01:17:54.770-06:00Just trying to squeeze the most out of lifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger264125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-42920896835095922332023-11-08T20:43:00.008-07:002023-11-09T13:22:40.509-07:00Reimagine journaling <div class="separator"><p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> </p><p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidlUSmbWiMoWZvRkyxSARRliIFuPzh32qMfnBhqbcEXY_J7He1hl3vAMiPPkDX1PnjjMw2yksiSGdRU1bI2gHJs-4DdQvwi3dlhTAM-oNUGq8WqFZz6V2pNbVjseSZjkFuiL1KoRixt5k-y-soOFPlw4auREmA3AOzub3x5UDL26_aQcB9hApFcIIzFDE/s1100/journal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="719" data-original-width="1100" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidlUSmbWiMoWZvRkyxSARRliIFuPzh32qMfnBhqbcEXY_J7He1hl3vAMiPPkDX1PnjjMw2yksiSGdRU1bI2gHJs-4DdQvwi3dlhTAM-oNUGq8WqFZz6V2pNbVjseSZjkFuiL1KoRixt5k-y-soOFPlw4auREmA3AOzub3x5UDL26_aQcB9hApFcIIzFDE/w406-h209/journal.jpg" width="406" /></a></div><br /><p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Years go by and I think that journaling would be helpful. But every time I sit down to write it feels so foreign. But I continue to come back to this blog and every time I feel proud and comfort. It’s the place that I started to say all of the things that I couldn’t say out loud. I never planned on anybody reading or finding a community but then it was so rewarding when I did. I am working through so many feelings, struggles and questions and need a place to express the secrets and struggles that hide in my mind. I am coming back here to find some comfort and create something that helps me. How do I give back to myself in a way that feeds by soul, quiets the self criticism and allows me to be creative? I’m not sure but I do know that blogging is my first step. </p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-79065131463307079242017-07-12T17:50:00.001-06:002017-07-12T17:50:05.504-06:00Coming home...againThis blog has always been such a big part of my adult life. Even thought I have left it for years at a time, I think about it regularly with always positive feelings. I am protective of this part of my life because it's the place that I grew up and experienced highs, lows, confusion and every other possible emotion. The place that accepts I am not a "writer" but still allows me to put words on paper to express the thoughts in my mind. I got more positive energy from this blog and the blogging community than I have ever received in the FB, Instagram, Twitter world. And I don't care who is actually reading (or if nobody is reading) because it's not made for that purpose. It's my place to find myself and share what's happening without judgement.<br />
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I am married. My wife is amazing, kind, sweet, smart, hard working and loving. We are still learning each other and finding ways to put our lives together. We are loyal, committed, determined and in love. This is the marriage I had dreamed of all my life and feared would never be a reality. We have three animals (Fred, Ethel and Izzy). They each have a role and bring us lots of laughs and some frustration daily. We don't have any human babies because I tried many times to get pregnant but my body simply said no. And she doesn't have any desire to carry a child. We are still trying to figure out what to do next...adopt or make peace as childless. Some adult decisions are complicated and emotional. We live in the house I purchased 10 years ago and continue to do work remodeling to make it "our" home. <br />
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I have been to therapy (a lot), read lots of books, joined several groups for support and had some success and some failures. But in the end, I continue to be inspired every day to push more and try harder. Mostly, I am ready to come back to my blog...more than ready. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-58101838738635040902015-04-09T21:13:00.003-06:002015-04-09T21:13:50.083-06:00I'm getting married!Those are words that I wasn't sure would ever come out of my mouth. I have dreamed of being married most of my life. Not the actual wedding, dress, cake, etc. But instead, I dreamed of having a person who was my other half. A person who was now my "tribe" and we would build a life together through both the good and bad. But I have had many ups and downs and even more in betweens of nothing. <br />
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But I found my person. I found the person who brings me joy, laughter, enlightenment, encouragement and support. Ad she asked me to marry her in the most romantic way I could have imaged. I felt pure bliss from the thought that she wanted to marry me. That we will be our forevers...<br />
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And since that pure moment of bliss I have found out that my mom is devastated that I really am gay. Devastated that I am not fulfilling her dream of marrying a man. The exact fear that I had when first coming out and then again when I forced the conversation again years later. But this feels worse than if it had come at that time because she has shared my love and life over the years. She has been a supporter of my life and the joy that is clearly part of my life. And in the one moment when I feel the joy and love that I have waited 41 years to have she feels sadness, disappointment and shame. <br />
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I am going to continue forward every day and plan the best celebration of my love. I know that both of my parents will join the celebration and be present at the moment. It may not be what I had dreamed but I am going to focus on the parts that bring me joy.<br />
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So many years, so many ups and downs, and finally I have found myself. And in the process of finding myself I found my person. I am getting married.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-28563177275708455192015-03-13T18:10:00.002-06:002015-03-13T18:10:46.643-06:00Who? How?I have moments of such clarity of who I am and what I'm about. I'm about honesty, integrity, love, humor, loyalty, family, friends and doing the right thing. There are also moments when being myself feels like I choose the hard path over and over again. And yet knowing that I didn't choose my personality. In fact at times I honestly feel like it picked me. That it floating around the universe and found my soul and decided to land and make a permeant home.<br />
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I believe that everybody should have voice. I believe that if you ask me a question that you are looking for an honest answer. I believe that if something is wrong or hurtful or not working that it should be said out loud and then addressed a different plan. And I believe that only I can choose if a person has qualities that I respect and admire or not. These are some of the things that I know.<br />
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But I often wonder why the things I'm about are such a threat or unappealing to some who have no idea who I really am. And I often wonder when does the day really come when being a strong, honest, direct woman with opinions and open to discussion is not consider a bad word or evil. Somedays I'm not sure if it will ever come. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-82520106048103079482015-01-22T21:10:00.003-07:002015-01-22T21:10:49.625-07:00Embracing all of meI wish that the title reflected that I have fully embraced all of myself but not yet. I like myself more today than I have in many years. And I work daily to see myself for the good and bad in hopes to continue to grow. But sometimes I dissect all of the things that are and could be wrong with me. Things that I deem make me unworthy of happiness. And while I focus on the tiny details it really is about needing to feel worthy. Not for somebody else but for myself. <br />
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I have a therapist and she makes me laugh, cry, think and grow. And one of the most profound statements of my life came from her to explain these moments in my life. There are moments in life when anxiety and maybe even depression fill the space an the self doubt and self loathing they bring with oddly provide comfort and friendship. Random and dysfunctional for sure! But real and honest as well.<br />
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So as I enter into this world of blogging again I feel at ease this evening because I said it out loud. That I know the self doubt and self loathing is not real and it is not me. It is simply a by-product of stress and anxiety. Maybe one day I will conquer it completely and ultimately embrace all of me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-48295741652388172812015-01-21T16:50:00.001-07:002015-01-21T16:50:30.072-07:00Coming homeIt has been several years since I closed the door on this blog. I tried to start a new one with a new title all in the hopes that I would be able to maintain something that brought me so much joy but leaving my past behind. Over the years, I have remembered this site fondly and often considered returning to blogging. And finally the day has come for me to return home.<br />
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My life is so different all of these years later. I found true love, share all of my life openly with my family and friends and I have experienced so many new things. But let's get real, there are so many things that have stayed the same. My mission to find passion in my career, continue to explore new adventures and challenge myself and to grow as a partner, daughter, sister, friend and whatever else comes my way.<br />
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I'm back and looking forward to reading others and being inspired by so many. I am energized to share new thoughts, questions, ideas and of course funny stuff. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-83280423454635451002010-09-19T20:16:00.000-06:002010-09-19T20:16:31.650-06:00The day is here<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUzNnp0td6gHkAhbFGf_PJ_0T6wxVKv-UQNkSQDDnSKI7cB2-gzMdgmdjYT7gPtipquJcGDQfryOKIaYwuHNTpOSeSeihyVEOHWNIaqQHendSpntUix9ycwsQma5aKEQQBCm7CWTs8Qk/s1600/walking_away.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUzNnp0td6gHkAhbFGf_PJ_0T6wxVKv-UQNkSQDDnSKI7cB2-gzMdgmdjYT7gPtipquJcGDQfryOKIaYwuHNTpOSeSeihyVEOHWNIaqQHendSpntUix9ycwsQma5aKEQQBCm7CWTs8Qk/s320/walking_away.jpg" /></a></div>I started this blog to share my journey. To share my feelings, thoughts, fears and joys in a way that made me feel safe. This space has allowed me to share my ups and downs, write about the random thoughts in my head and I have met some wonderful people...friends. But more than anything I would say that who I am today has changed a lot from the person that I was the day I created this blog. I LOVE this blog and it has truly meant the world to me, but it no longer feels like a safe place to share anything. <br />
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I have been thinking about how to let go for awhile and there is no easy answer. I would like to continue reading the blogs that I love and making comments using this handle. I have created a new blog that I hope will give me back that sense of freedom. If you would like to know the name please feel free to email me. But more than anything I want to say good-bye and thanks for being part of my life! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-86524061619725338692010-08-12T20:16:00.002-06:002010-08-12T20:25:20.235-06:00Mystery solved<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePmYK4FZztZ7TUBve0OJTHrf5KcQ6odvQc1StUBvXbw2-_9qLRNmxUYvvyXNungZlKzd2r2laZkeZ595esZ2TDEGIxbL1HpC3w8FS3ns6oNF2ocWHlufWJCXI0qicLRUHpe_Ed3UyFKw/s1600/Squirrel.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 292px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePmYK4FZztZ7TUBve0OJTHrf5KcQ6odvQc1StUBvXbw2-_9qLRNmxUYvvyXNungZlKzd2r2laZkeZ595esZ2TDEGIxbL1HpC3w8FS3ns6oNF2ocWHlufWJCXI0qicLRUHpe_Ed3UyFKw/s320/Squirrel.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5504714842864905842" border="0" /></a>Ethel LOVES her peanut butter stuffed Kong every morning. It's actually her version f crack and it's also a great distraction from me sneaking off to work. She has a pink Kong (of course) and usually leaves it on the back porch for me to pick up after hours. That is for the exception of the 1st Kong which disappeared two months ago. She buries her bones in the mulch around the yard so i just assumed it would be found. In the meantime my mom bought her another. Things were going great until three weeks ago when Kong #2 vanished. Ethel and I walked around the yard digging up mulch trying to find the hidden treasure. NOTHING! So...I purchased another and today Kong #3 has vanished.<br /><br />Luckily for both of us I found #2 on Monday in my alley. It was just lying there waiting to be found with a little part of it chewed off. While we were out looking for #3 my neighbor came out and told me she saw a squirrel with what she thought was a Kong today. Can you believe it! Stupid squirrels!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-17034476296736201182010-08-11T20:53:00.002-06:002010-08-11T20:58:12.030-06:00They aren't realGet your mind out of the gutter! I was talking about dreams...<br /><br />But the big question is why can a dream ruin your entire day? I play out a lot of situations in my dreams and some end better than real life and then others...well you get the point. This morning I woke up from a dream that felt so real and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and go back to that life. I wanted to live there. And because I couldn't and because it felt so real I have been in a funk all day long. Tears, anger, tears, tears and did I mention tears. <br /><br />And now it's time for bed again and I'm not sure if I hope for a repeat event or do I dream of dancing in candy land.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-51421839607674735312010-08-10T20:54:00.004-06:002010-08-10T21:09:43.966-06:00Two steps down...#24This is my year to face the potential for parenthood. As I sat at my grandfathers funeral earlier this year I realized there was no reason for me to continue to wait for the perfect situation. So I did nothing... Well, I did nothing right away but took baby steps for a couple of months.<br /><br />First I sat my family down and told them that I was serious about being a parent and have explored all of my options and ultimately I am going to try and get pregnant using donor. Check! I met with the specialist regarding the process and have a detailed list of all the things I needed to complete before trying. Check! The doctor did tell me that because of my age we needed to do some extra tests to make sure that I am a good candidate for late pregnancy. REALLY!!! I'm 37 and apparently considered over the hill. Got over that information...Check! My blood work doesn't think that I'm over the hill and still seem to be able to produce eggs (healthy even). So what's next?<br /><br />I have an appointment this week to have an ultrasound done to make sure that everything is flowing okay and there is no blockage. And then I guess it's a go. I have picked a donor...after having a donor selection party. And I have even started to take prenatal pills per doctors orders. Now I just wait to make sure that everything is good and then I'm ready. I am scared but excited at the possibility. Yikes!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-9307228930253943942010-08-05T20:14:00.002-06:002010-08-05T20:19:54.252-06:00Where did you go?Does anybody read my blog anymore? Well...I know there are a few known as SPAM! I do wonder what happen to everybody but I guess the truth is that i really use this as my own world to be able to say whatever. Oh well! <br /><br />I made a promise to myself that by January I would have 100 new experiences of some sort and I'm not really even close to making that goal. So it's time to focus. I have had new experiences so it's time to focus and write. Write for me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-15285740696456226132010-07-29T20:04:00.002-06:002010-07-29T20:09:01.791-06:00I'm so flatteredI am doing a guest post on a blog that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to read. I appreciate Ms. Sassy allowing me to post something on her blog and add to my list making it #23. I started writing this blog as simply a place to express myself. Over the years I have gained friendships, learned a lot about myself and others and even gained a few followers who comment from time to time. This is still a place for me to think and feel out loud and something about has allowed me to write on somebody's blog. Thank you so much Ms. Sassy!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-90538838503591238252010-07-19T21:11:00.002-06:002010-07-19T21:26:07.219-06:00T-shirts, tools, corn and dog collar<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_kJpFaN2NfY6vlmzAbX8VEKqlmN3sByvXtRMR4eO9RhNOP7EYkD9xV9wUC9GRG6kiLeIJ_Af1FvN1NsFCoIg-dTI3Z-6JA6If-5AtJS7M8TgFvxThkR9ze7w8nbOa9t_hFbOJwU6mXpo/s1600/flea.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 107px; height: 129px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_kJpFaN2NfY6vlmzAbX8VEKqlmN3sByvXtRMR4eO9RhNOP7EYkD9xV9wUC9GRG6kiLeIJ_Af1FvN1NsFCoIg-dTI3Z-6JA6If-5AtJS7M8TgFvxThkR9ze7w8nbOa9t_hFbOJwU6mXpo/s320/flea.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5495824444514105922" border="0" /></a>Those were just the beginning of things I saw yesterday. I may have hit an all time low yesterday when I was trying to add new items to my list. Number 22...I went to the flea market. I don't know what that looks like in other locations, but in Colorado there is one flea market and I have NEVER actually had any desire to visit. But when a friend asked me to join and help find the perfect item (what was it again) I couldn't come up with another excuse.<br /><br />It was 100 degrees, crowded and random. There were rows and rows of "prize" items that everybody needed to buy. I was honestly surprised at how many booths were selling dresses (okay they were really just long shirts but being sold as dresses) and that there were actually woman in there dishing out money. I walked by a man selling old dish towels to a young couple.<br /><br />We left empty handed...well we did buy a bag of giant marshmallows simply because they were so big and had a few beers to keep us cool. It was a fun people watching experience but probably a one time experience.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-2651853502101042992010-07-18T17:35:00.002-06:002010-07-18T17:41:51.615-06:00What would you do?#21...for a Klondike bar. I grew up in a family were life was pretty black and white. My parents always wanted to feel comfortable in the body and that usually involved dieting. So every week consisted of chicken breasts (skinless of course), broccoli, squash, fish...you get the point. We didn't have treats around the house EVER. No cookies, ice cream, pop, pizza or basically anything that was considered junk food. And it was branded in my brain that I could eat ice cream, cookies, pizza...without becoming the largest woman on the planet. <br /><br />I haven't followed that 100% but there are many things I haven't experienced. And one of those was a Klondike bar! I love those commercials and sing the song all of the time. This weekend had a BBQ with friends and we just did it. We all had a Klondike bar and talked about what we would all do for another. Travel to Mars, make-out with the neighbor, jump off a cliff (into water) all were thrown out there. What about you?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-40154100377849403802010-07-17T10:13:00.002-06:002010-07-17T10:35:03.790-06:00Its HOT!!!!101 degrees in the forecast today and it has been two weeks of heat. I love summer but would like a little break for maybe just one day. So many updates and so little creativity to write something moving. So I know that we all hate bullets but it's the best way for me to get past my writers block! So here it goes...<br /><br />A. My back is still out but slowly improving. In fact, I was finally able to move the chair out of the bathroom and can officially stand up on my own. It does take a long time but finally! <br /><br />B. Ethel is resting well at home now after her spay appointment and is able to use her sad eyes to sucker me into giving her more treats. <br /><br />C. Fred is using his look to guilt me into getting treats because Ethel did...<br /><br />D. Number 20 on my list. I had my meeting with the endocrinologist on Thursday and we have started the process. I gave 9 vials of blood and they ran a bunch of tests, have ordered more tests and started the ball rolling. <br /><br />E. I am going back to work on Monday! YUCK! So it's time to get myself ready and back to the world of alarm clocks and full days. New building, new job, new people, new start.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-15648892436331381442010-07-13T20:54:00.002-06:002010-07-13T20:59:51.034-06:00Just a thought<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiek8LZ3uRN5O2xycPwohI7oxgKK4-9tRwkCsZMRwCOkdRfebK_3TqSs2AfC6t08TCTD_HPHJNr0mSX4P_jM32YefuqmZFUMmc3uu5mcYqLeSco2lWXgUUgQSIObSweE5MF6x0aTKTjkYw/s1600/toilet.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiek8LZ3uRN5O2xycPwohI7oxgKK4-9tRwkCsZMRwCOkdRfebK_3TqSs2AfC6t08TCTD_HPHJNr0mSX4P_jM32YefuqmZFUMmc3uu5mcYqLeSco2lWXgUUgQSIObSweE5MF6x0aTKTjkYw/s320/toilet.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493591226049548002" border="0" /></a><br />I remodeled my bathroom two years ago (OMG...it's been a long time) and I was adamant about putting in a taller toilet. They are called chair height and are suppose to be such an upgrade. So I got it in there and from the moment that it was installed I have regretted that decision. When I am sitting my feet don't touch the floor. And as if that weren't embarrassing enough...now that my back is out I had to move a chair in there to help me lower and rise off of the seat. Really....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-6836441213939454522010-07-09T19:34:00.002-06:002010-07-09T19:45:37.517-06:00It's timeI have been stuck in my house for so long...all summer break to be exact. I have a bad back and can barley walk from from to room. So today I was back at my doctor trying to find some resolution and while I was waiting for the x-ray tech I saw the endocrinology room. Reproductive endocrinology to be exact. So I walked in and scheduled an appointment to start the process. I want a baby and I can keep waiting for everything to fall into place but hell I'm not sure it will ever actually happen. And I am not getting any younger so it's time to just start the process. I want to be a mom and this is a option available to a single, gay woman. I'm scared but excited and ready to start what I feel might be a very long process.<br /><br />My last post was about my best friend and one of the things that I love about him so much is his zest for life. And I talked with him last night on his new adventure and he promised to still be a permanent fixture in my life (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ie</span>. in my child's life). So today I took the first step to try and do one thing that I really want...to be a mom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-53200816035295348572010-07-06T18:55:00.003-06:002010-07-06T19:07:07.322-06:00There's no crying in moving<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilxayrXYEn4oHhGdHI1LuzFJpbI4dBzjW974btnswrK5L65Fk00Juqw5l3xiCe5dAV_e2AuoTSQYUWr8nVRGGPfwI-CKOlr37BSHt9osPnT0sVz8NyXCgASJatplat_vgE3oTdoUFk-9I/s1600/IMG_0627.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilxayrXYEn4oHhGdHI1LuzFJpbI4dBzjW974btnswrK5L65Fk00Juqw5l3xiCe5dAV_e2AuoTSQYUWr8nVRGGPfwI-CKOlr37BSHt9osPnT0sVz8NyXCgASJatplat_vgE3oTdoUFk-9I/s320/IMG_0627.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490964521325048530" border="0" /></a><br />That's what I told myself over and over again this entire weekend. My best friend drove off into the sunset this afternoon with his partner. They have been dreaming of higher educational opportunities and today marks the beginning of their adventure. Moving 1,000 miles away to pursue this opportunity and explore another way of life.<br /><br />I am happy, excited and proud for my friend. He has had some major ups and downs over the years and finally life seems to be all coming together for him. He has found love. He has found a man who is kind, smart, funny and full of energy who gets him, loves him, respects him and appreciate all of the little moments. He has found peace within himself and who he is regardless of other people's opinions. He has found peace with family and that has been a very long time coming. And more than anything after years of dreaming of a career he is now going to take the steps to make that happen. All of those reasons make me happy for him...<br /><br />But at the moment I'm sitting here crying because my best friend isn't going to be around for awhile. And I have depended on him for so long that it does scare me to think that we can't just "get together" in free moment. But no matter how many miles there are he will always be my best friend and I wish him only the best!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-73457832591153654552010-07-03T21:22:00.002-06:002010-07-03T21:53:03.827-06:00So a little off my goalI had this great idea that making a goal to do 100 new things in a year would be an easy task. Hmmm...but then reality took over and finding 100 new experiences has been a bit of a challenge. There have been things that count as a new experience but isn't what I had in mind for this goal so I refuse to add on the list. And then I realized that it has been almost one month since my last post and I hate that more than anything. So here are a few updates over the past month (and yep I'm going to use the bullet system):<br /><br />#16 - Wine tours in Sonoma (Bay Area). My mom and I went on a trip to San Francisco right after my birthday for a week. We did so many wine tours (and purchased so many random wines) that somebody might mistake me for a wine expert. LOL!<br /><br />#17 - I saw a whale! On the same trip my mom and I were sitting by the ocean looking out at the sunset drinking wine. The entire trip I kept telling my mom how much I wish a whale would just jump out of the water. And then all of a sudden I saw it...a head and then the puff of water. We sat for another half hour and watched three whales come up and down seeing both heads and tails. So fun!<br /><br />#18 - DIY network I'm back. I have designed a new floor plan for my basement. Remember a couple of years ago when I remodeled my bathroom...I had to tear the basement apart to have access to electrical and plumbing. It's time to finish the basement and it is all my design. Now if I could just use somebody else money. <br /><br />#19 - Attended puppy training. Since Ethel is my first puppy it seemed to make sense that I also needed to take classes. So...we have gone for seven weeks (every Thursday) to learn basic commands, build confidence and mostly to laugh at the look of pure joy while she plays with all of the other uncoordinated pups.<br /><br />There are more but that's enough for now. I'll be back more frequently and hope that there are still readers. Happy July 4th weekend.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-26128908404953687412010-06-07T21:50:00.002-06:002010-06-07T21:54:07.839-06:0037!!!!When did that happen? How is it possible that I'm actually 37 years old? I have moved all of my boxes into my new school, summer vacation has finally begun and I had a birthday all within the last three days. And this morning I woke up feeling like I have a birthday hang-over. Hmmm....am I the only person who is surprised by your actual age???Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-18885232410889496912010-05-24T09:14:00.001-06:002010-05-24T09:14:47.257-06:00The end is soon.Packed boxes, scattered files, overflowing to-do box, empty walls…that’s the view from my desk. It’s the scene of having one foot in the door and one outside. My time is quickly running out here in this job. A chapter of my life if officially coming to an end. The next couple of days are filled with stressful planning of graduation, coordinating finals, saying good-bye to students and staff…friends. I’m generally not as emotional about leaving a job but the past four years have been more than a job. I have given my heart and soul to this job, school, and community and in return it has at times embraced me, punished me and it’s even protected me from the outside world.<br />This morning I am here looking at the mess around me and honestly trying to figure out how to just get through the next couple of weeks. But then what…what’s in the future? Hopefully some calm and new opportunities.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-5444586138928879532010-05-16T21:18:00.002-06:002010-05-16T21:23:40.740-06:00More than words<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyAGNsJZq11EncH7_5FiJq9GIikKWkksSMBYpoDEApqUdxGpbblIve1Y5nVjld_GzrCMXm2SG79UGaJKkqudb4ziK97KazgeFMg22cyseTaLWtelJeDOSblFxFNfR5ZS3QryaJzu18418/s1600/IMG_0809.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472074243746069602" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyAGNsJZq11EncH7_5FiJq9GIikKWkksSMBYpoDEApqUdxGpbblIve1Y5nVjld_GzrCMXm2SG79UGaJKkqudb4ziK97KazgeFMg22cyseTaLWtelJeDOSblFxFNfR5ZS3QryaJzu18418/s320/IMG_0809.JPG" /></a>Number 15...I wrote about finishing a book recently and it really stuck with me. Most important there was a phrase that reached out and touched my soul. I often get bogged down in "what if" or "should have" thoughts...and five words are a great reminder for me to stay present and grateful. I went to Vegas again for Spring Break and decided to find a new tattoo shop and ink my right arm (which has never been done before).<br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-44792922910778664292010-05-11T21:44:00.005-06:002010-05-11T21:54:33.364-06:00Welcome home...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmJWjpliQ3IOF6psYdbGU8y7PZKEUDsvwCVCbF0nzD1I6es72iIRzReO3c-pUkQZIFlcapwrmUMthTHbNyWFfUHDpRBDnG85mt7iwEFu_vOHFVbVNAcCf8ujJP4pninLzm82D00IvOHgg/s1600/IMG_0802.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmJWjpliQ3IOF6psYdbGU8y7PZKEUDsvwCVCbF0nzD1I6es72iIRzReO3c-pUkQZIFlcapwrmUMthTHbNyWFfUHDpRBDnG85mt7iwEFu_vOHFVbVNAcCf8ujJP4pninLzm82D00IvOHgg/s320/IMG_0802.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470226578837634514" border="0" /></a>And this is number 14! I would like to introduce the newest member of my family...Ethel. She is a 11 week old Goldendoodle. I have never been a dog owner by myself. I grew up with dogs and I have had some dogs in my life but never my very own. She is funny, sweet, sassy and is the perfect "Ethel" for Fred. They have a love/hate relationship which has grown over the last couple of weeks. I love her and can't wait to share more of her with you over the years.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-17794159776238684382010-05-10T20:46:00.002-06:002010-05-10T21:01:04.776-06:00Number 13I haven't forgotten my list and I have so many updates that I'm hoping to post as much as possible this week. But number 13 happened this evening and I can't get it off of my mind. My parents are both retired now and it has taken a bit of time to adjust to that much "together" time. Especially since my mom can obsess on her "love" and can become a bit too much. <br /><br />This afternoon I dropped by my parents house (which I will update why on a later post) and my mom was sitting at the table staring outside. As soon as I said hello she started talking and for the next hour I listened to her stress about my dad's health (he is having some issues), my dad's unhappiness with life, her inability to make it all better and that was the moment. <br /><br />I sat next to my mom watching her cry out of frustration and self loathing because she loves so much and feels like she just isn't enough. The counselor in me came out and we talked that thought process through to a point of realizing that my dad is an adult responsible for himself. And then the daughter in me came out and I offered her my unconditional love and support and promise to help my dad. <br /><br />But number 13 was the connection in my own mind. I am my mother in so many ways...and I define myself through other's pain and suffering. When good things happen to others I don't make any connection to myself...but when bad things happen to others I believe it's must be my fault. And I finally saw that reflected back through my mom's eyes. Knowledge is power...right?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9083663978078943706.post-54450744675827430692010-05-09T07:54:00.002-06:002010-05-09T08:02:00.872-06:00Happy Mom's Day<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppHqyafr04r0tOl5ae5GGB1Ao0RUl12f0cL6TaN85u30DfdsqC6yswd8KCerx_enm600BPZG0ZjTUKGTjfCRoGeNY-IQrJfcfAgMKJxFQFiEvCGkdKyeNLbr_dXIX0AJVZNSqHsJJCOs/s1600/IMG_0641.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppHqyafr04r0tOl5ae5GGB1Ao0RUl12f0cL6TaN85u30DfdsqC6yswd8KCerx_enm600BPZG0ZjTUKGTjfCRoGeNY-IQrJfcfAgMKJxFQFiEvCGkdKyeNLbr_dXIX0AJVZNSqHsJJCOs/s320/IMG_0641.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5469270206816947490" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span></span></span></span>Today is Mother Day and my brother's 40th birthday. So I'm on my way to brunch for the big celebrations... My mom is an amazing woman who deserves to have her very own day without sharing any other big moments. But my mom feels like the perfect way to celebrate is to remember her family and helping my brother celebrate makes for the perfect day.<br /><br />But for me this moment is about knowing I have an amazing mom! She has her moments, like all parents do, but in the end she supports and loves me. She makes me smile and laugh more than most. And she is the perfect person to have in your corner when the world is beating you down. I pray to be a mom soon and I can only hope to be half as good as she has been to me. Love you mom!<br /><br />Happy Mother's Day to all of you!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2