Apr 1, 2007

Who can hear me?

The process of writing my feelings, questions and thoughts tricks me into believing that somebody out there is listening and ready to respond at any moment. But the reality is not as comforting and instead I realize that the only person listening is my cat. The problem is that I need more and don't have anybody who can listen. This week had the potential to be filled with hope, promise, excitement and pride. Instead this week reflected what is in my heart, fear, disappointment, pain, lonliness and confusion. I have disappointed every important person in my life while trying to make each of them feel confident and important. I fear that this sounds like a pitty party and that's why I usually stop talking or addressing my feelings. I want to pick me. I want myself to be important and myself to be a priority. I want to do things because they feel good in my soul and not because I am expected to do "the right thing". Is that possible? How do I make this happen? How do I stop hurting those people in my life? How do I stop hurting myself?