Oct 29, 2009

Snow days

The last two days have been cold and snowy leaving Denver to look like a scene from a Christmas movie. Everything is covered in snow...in fact I measured 15 inches of snow on my patio this morning. And tonight I'm looking out my window at snow covered roofs, porch lights shinning and silence. I'm not sure that you can see silence exactly, but it feels like that right now. Along with the snow came a wonderful surprise...two snow days. No school, no alarms, no hustle. Just fireplaces, candles, cozy moments on the couch and a break from a place that is not currently any comfort.

Tomorrow morning I will wake to an alarm and start the hustle all over again. And by Saturday Denver will experience 65 degree temperatures, snow will melt and all of this will look anew. But tonight I am just going to sit on the couch and stare outside at the pure joy of snow days.

Oct 25, 2009

Too Wicked?

Not possible!!! I love this show...in fact, I love it so much that today I saw it for the fourth time. The first was several years ago with my best friend and it changed the way I saw Oz forever. Last Christmas my parents and I went on a trip to California to see it (just because I guess). And when we returned from the trip found out that it was making another appearance in Denver. So...my family bought tickets. The same week...my friends bought tickets and I was included. Sooooo....today I saw in the theater watching my favorite show EVER and decided four times wasn't enough.

Anybody in love with this show?

Oct 24, 2009

The light bulb is on.

Oprah calls these Aha moments but I like to think of them a little more like a slap in the head. The light finally turns on and you see things clearly...and that could mean neat and shinny or cluttered and messy. Aha moments seem to indicate that when it finally comes everything looks clear and shinny. NOT ALWAYS! It's like when you tell yourself that it's only five extra pounds and you finally realize it's more like twenty! Good to realize, but doesn't feel like such a positive moment. Thank goodness for boot camp to help dwindle that number back down.

I finally saw the dots in my life. The dots that you connect over time that show the clear picture of who you are, where you have been and where you will go again if not changed. I use to believe that to change the world I had to sacrifice everything else in my life that might bring me joy. But I have realized that without joy in my life...I can't change anything. I use to believe that working out would help me fit into a pair a jeans...but not I see that it also (and more importantly) lets me be in control of my body and face most obstacles. I use to think that allowing my family and friends to use me and say hurtful things (in a very passive way) was part of keeping the peace...but now I realize it taught me how to expect the world treat me and affect my soul because of my choices.

So that light bulb went on this morning at 6:00 a.m. and burned so bright that I was almost blinded. I thought of all the wasted time and energy I have put into keeping the peace with my family and friends only to explode emotionally in the end. And then the point is lost...it becomes about my emotions not their treatment. That's not fair to anybody, especially me. Maybe sounds like an Aha moment...but this clarity doesn't come with only shinny new potential. It also comes with work, change, sadness and pain...which will in the end look different than it did at 5:59 a.m. Not necessarily a bad process or outcome just different. But it's time to face what I see and not turn out the light (like I have done before) and pretend it didn't exist. It's my turn, my control and ultimately my life.

Oct 20, 2009

I'll take another

I never drink alone...NEVER! I reserve that for a social environment if for no other reason than appearances alone! LOL!!! But last night I intended to do some house work, read a book, write in my journal BUT a nice glass of wine sounded good to kick it all off. Opened the bottle and poured into a fun wine glass and then decided that housework could wait while I did read my book, wrote in my journal and continued to finish the entire bottle. At the end of the night I was simply that silly drunk 80's girl! You know what I mean...that girl from high school who got drunk at a party and instantly became a crying mess. That was me!

And then this morning...I opened my eyes only to relive my range of emotions and actions. Not to mention a splitting headache that has lasted ALL day. Lesson learned...wine + emotions + early morning meeting = DISASTER!

Oct 16, 2009

Perfect spirit

Good-bye sweet girl. Your beauty was larger than life both inside and out. Your soft red hair, sweet brown eyes and generous spirit filled the hearts of all who had the chance to know and love you. You will be missed by everybody but especially by your sister and mom. I pray that you are able to run and play in snow now, eat an unlimited amount of food and have constant loving and attention. And if you could make your presence known to your sister and your mom to let them know you are around and love them...it would be helpful. There has never been a more perfect dog then you!

Oct 4, 2009

Everything Pink!

Today was the Race for the Cure in Denver. Events started at 7:00 a.m. and for the next several hours downtown was packed with people of all ages and sizes with one thing in common....PINK! Temperatures were cold this morning marking the true beginning of fall and ultimately allowed participants to wear pink hats, pink scarfs, pink jackets, pink, pink, pink. I was just like the rest...pink shirt, socks, shoes, hat, scarf and gloves. The hat and gloves were only needed while I drove my pink scooter to the race site. And there I met my friends and family to support such a wonderful cause. It's an inspiration really. So many people coming together for the purpose of raising awareness and money. Every year I am in awe of the amount of people who are trying to make a difference. Proud to be from Denver where this race is one of the largest in the country and people are all about supporting a cause.