Feb 28, 2010


Is that really all that I have done so far on my quest for new experiences? I have to focus if I am going to actually do 101 new things in a year. But I did experience number eight this afternoon and it has been a long time coming. This afternoon I curled up on my couch with the fireplace going, candles burning and a movie playing while snow started to fall outside and in a brief moment I felt it finally. I love this house, I feel safe in this house and I feel proud to call this MY house. I looked around and realized that I built a life and a home!

Feb 23, 2010

It's not the same

This afternoon I found myself driving to a hospital to help support and counsel families, kids and adults. The words were all the same...school, children, fear, shooting. The words were all the same but the events are very different. The latest shooting is terrible, scary and unimaginable, but it is not "Columbine" all over again. The media needs to a way to grab attention and sell a story, but I believe that today was a random act of violence that brings it's own story of pain and hurt.

And as I just walked in the door and am trying to decompress all of the sadness and fear that is a result of such a hurtful day I have been trying to find something to hold on to for hope. I started with the things that I am sure will happen again...I am sure tomorrow morning I will walk back into the doors of my school and believe it's safe. I am sure that I will be sad that such violence does exist but refuse to allow myself to feel paralyzed. I am sure that kids will continue to amaze us all with their strength.

So instead of obsessing over the latest news report I would say find one thing to smile about or put your hand together like a puzzle with the one you love and be grateful they are there. Or kiss your child and see the twinkle in their eyes or play a game of chase with your furry friend. Regardless...believe that this is not the same and it's a good reminder to embrace the things you have.

Feb 21, 2010


Time to update my list since February is almost over and I am WAY behind in completing 101 new things this year. Funny how death and joy loss can throw you off track. But....I have done a few new things so anything counts at this point.

Number six! I went to a dog show last weekend. I know the ground did not shake from such a big event but I had to see all of those cute dogs. It was hard not to buy a puppy but the average price tag of $1,500 kept me grounded.

Number seven...speaking with a psychic. I have had my cards read a couple of times and have had mixed results. The first time I didn't feel like she had a clue and was just randomly guessing. The second time she was right on in so many aspects of my life. So I decided to try a psychic to hear if there was a little hope to hold on to for now. It was a mix of predictions some good and some not very clear. Ultimately I could have predicted all that she did and saved a few bucks so I am going to mark that box and move on with life now.

I'll keep you posted on more events and hopefully a little more exciting.

Feb 15, 2010

List goes on

I stopped blogging about my list of new adventures at 5 and don't really have a good reason. I have experienced new things but haven't been able to figure out the writing thing yet. Thank you to everybody who offered the support and reality check about my job. I have no doubt that I am done working for my boss and even more done with him thinking that I'm his bitch. And I know that something new is exactly what I need. But my self esteem has taken a bit of a hit through all of this and my heart is a little broken over leaving some of the kids that I have worked so hard with to see them finally graduate. I know that we all have reasons for going to work daily and the kids are mine. So the next couple of months will be busy with job hunting, rebuilding my self confidence and saying good-bye. At this point there are no new updates on the job situation but I promise to share if and/or when something comes along.

I was looking over my blog entries and you know it has been a rough couple of weeks. I really have been trying to look at it all as a new opportunities. Sounds good...doesn't it. But I also know that I am determined to believe that it will all come together and make me a stronger person. Honestly 2010 was suppose to be my year. It was my year to stand up and take a step forward. And while it hasn't happened the way I had hoped for I haven't given up either. So just going to take it day by day at this point.

Feb 7, 2010

End of a chapter

Four years ago I started a job that was going to open the door for so many opportunities. Opportunities to make a difference, opportunities to grow, opportunities to support a family, opportunities for something bigger...

That job has been a constant roller coaster of emotion much of which I have shared with all of you. And while I have been searching for new opportunities this year I have feared writing the final pages to this chapter of my life because of so many other reasons. But life creates is own path that doesn't always match whats in your mind. Last week was difficult to say the least. I work on a team that is officially broken both personally and professionally. We each our functioning in survival mode and have lost the true concept of the meaning of "team". So my bosses boss scheduled meeting with each of the team members (there are four of us - five if you include my boss) to ask questions about our job performance, job satisfaction, personal and professional conflicts and a list of other potential career changing questions. We each had our meeting and then were expected to go on and act as if nothing had happened.

Friday afternoon, minutes before I needed to leave to cover another night event...that same boss (my bosses boss) showed up to have a meeting with my entire time including my boss. We all sat down wondering what was next...

Tracie and insert other co-worker's name...you will not be returning to this school next year. We will be looking for a new spot for each of you to start over. I know that there were additional words said but I was too busy trying to calm my breathing, absorb what had just happened, control my emotions and focus. I was told that this is essential to allow my boss a fresh start to be successful but that it is also my chance to start over.

Read between the lines and you will hear that somebody believes that eliminating myself and my colleague will fix the dysfunction at my current job. And so now we have to leave and start over and carry with us the stigma of being moved even if it's now really about us. And in a flash part of what I had hoped for, a new start, had just happened and the nightmare of nothing having control of the outcome was intertwined.

The politics in careers is never taught in a college course and never discussed when dreaming of changing the world. I will walk away with my head up knowing that I gave 150% to this job and I also kept my integrity by being honest about my feelings and opinions. I am scared to death of what is next for me...but know that I will land on my feet. Life lessons teach us all how to deal with different things. I have learned that not having control over the outcome of an event does happen even if you try hard to make it work. I have finally learned to walk away knowing that I tried and will try again and again but only worry about the things that I truly can control. Well, maybe I haven't mastered that one but getting better.

Where will this adventure take me next...

Feb 1, 2010

High FIVE!!!!

I played in a golf tournament on Sunday which isn't the new experience but this golf tournament was indoors. A couple of friends received an invite to a new virtual golf tournament and I couldn't miss that opportunity. So I packed up my clubs and headed out for a new adventure.

Golf is a funny sport to me because I can play amazing one minute and not even get close to the ball the next. Even more of a challenge is that I haven't actually swung a golf club for months because it's been so cold here. And to make it even more of a challenge I was the weak link of the four of us on the team. But the best part...I played so well that I won! Not the entire tournament but I won in the woman's category. Who would have thought? Is there a virtual LPGA...