Feb 7, 2010

End of a chapter

Four years ago I started a job that was going to open the door for so many opportunities. Opportunities to make a difference, opportunities to grow, opportunities to support a family, opportunities for something bigger...

That job has been a constant roller coaster of emotion much of which I have shared with all of you. And while I have been searching for new opportunities this year I have feared writing the final pages to this chapter of my life because of so many other reasons. But life creates is own path that doesn't always match whats in your mind. Last week was difficult to say the least. I work on a team that is officially broken both personally and professionally. We each our functioning in survival mode and have lost the true concept of the meaning of "team". So my bosses boss scheduled meeting with each of the team members (there are four of us - five if you include my boss) to ask questions about our job performance, job satisfaction, personal and professional conflicts and a list of other potential career changing questions. We each had our meeting and then were expected to go on and act as if nothing had happened.

Friday afternoon, minutes before I needed to leave to cover another night event...that same boss (my bosses boss) showed up to have a meeting with my entire time including my boss. We all sat down wondering what was next...

Tracie and insert other co-worker's name...you will not be returning to this school next year. We will be looking for a new spot for each of you to start over. I know that there were additional words said but I was too busy trying to calm my breathing, absorb what had just happened, control my emotions and focus. I was told that this is essential to allow my boss a fresh start to be successful but that it is also my chance to start over.

Read between the lines and you will hear that somebody believes that eliminating myself and my colleague will fix the dysfunction at my current job. And so now we have to leave and start over and carry with us the stigma of being moved even if it's now really about us. And in a flash part of what I had hoped for, a new start, had just happened and the nightmare of nothing having control of the outcome was intertwined.

The politics in careers is never taught in a college course and never discussed when dreaming of changing the world. I will walk away with my head up knowing that I gave 150% to this job and I also kept my integrity by being honest about my feelings and opinions. I am scared to death of what is next for me...but know that I will land on my feet. Life lessons teach us all how to deal with different things. I have learned that not having control over the outcome of an event does happen even if you try hard to make it work. I have finally learned to walk away knowing that I tried and will try again and again but only worry about the things that I truly can control. Well, maybe I haven't mastered that one but getting better.

Where will this adventure take me next...

6 comments:

Cat said...

Whoa, I'm sorry your path was dictated to you - and in that manner. I wonder, why not tell you toward the end of the school year? Regardless, it's a chance at something new, be sure to seize it!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I would be excited for the next chapter to have a fresh start and a new environment. This is a blessing if you look at it as such.

Giood luck!

WendyB said...

You're going to emerge from this in a better place!

us2 said...

wow now that sucks .....but the good news is u still have a job ..right?
i would keep looking and get out of that school district ...because if u dont u will be on pins and needles and who needs that kind of stress.........u are very dedicated and a hard worker...........u did not deserve this.......take care k

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I'm so sorry - but you're going to be great, as in more than fine - and it's only going to free you up to find what you really want.

籃球 said...

先告訴自己希望成為什麼樣的人,然後一步一步實踐必要的步驟。........................................