Aug 21, 2009

Bugs, bugs, bugs...

I'm finally back! My computer crashed two weeks ago and I have been feeling so lost. No blogging, not much of a chance to read, no emails, no searches...nothing! I brought my broken computer to work and found a miracle. There was somebody who is a true computer genius and magically fixed all of the problems. He did such a good job that now my computer should last at least another year (hopefully more). And like passing the torch...he handed my computer over and informed me that I had over 75 virus on my computer! WOW!!!!! But it's Friday and I am taking my computer home for the weekend and might even snuggle up to it to make up for lost time.

On another topic, I experienced something this week that I have been thinking about non-stop. I have great neighbors...in fact I have an amazing neighborhood. But I have grown very close to my next door neighbors, a young married couple with a two year old son. But over the last couple of months I have felt some strain between them. Our houses are private for the exception of one room in each house. If we are in just the right place we can see each other through the window. That spot for me is the bathroom. So I usually shut the blinds in the early evening so that we all have privacy.

The other night I went into the bathroom in the dark to shut the blinds and I caught just a brief glimpse of heartbreak. They were sitting apart, talking, crying...not yelling...just breaking. I quickly shut the blinds and felt guilt for entering their private world. But it's that specific look that says it all in a flash. It was two people who love each other enough not to scream and fight but who are lost and breaking apart. It was that look of desperation and fear. It was that look that haunts all of us. It was simply the look of heartbreak.

I have been thinking about it non-stop and trying to figure out the best way to offer my support to my friends. So last night my mom stopped by and I was sharing with her this moment and asking for advice, support...anything. (My parents will be married 40 years in November and they got married while my mom was a senior in high school and pregnant, so I think of her as a good resource.) We talked and she walked outside and found my neighbor crying on her porch. Within seconds the three of us were listening, talking and bonding. My mom's advice...take a moment to figure out how to get back to center. She talked about their love, friendship, commitment, baby...and in the end they need to take the time to heal this now and now run or quit. She reminded her that more than anything...they need to remember their relationship and tend to that first. And then she said very quietly...be gentle with yourself and with the one you love. Be honest, real and open to doing the work to heal. Love isn't always easy or always perfect but it shouldn't be a chore and it shouldn't be thrown away without any effort.

My mom's advice was amazing! But even with that great advice I looked in my friends eyes and could see the pain that is currently all consuming. I know they love each other. And I know that loving somebody and having that returned is a gift. I hope that love conquers everything else at this point...

7 comments:

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Oh how sad. I've been through tough breakups like that and feel for your friends. I will keep them in prayer that things work out.

WendyB said...

Welcome back ((hug))

This Mom said...

Your mom's advice is wonderful. After 17 years with my wife, we have been through a lot of ups and downs and near break-ups. Sometimes I wonder how we made it through, but in the end our love was worth fighting for. Some aren't unfortunately. I hope your friends find their way through to whatever is best for all of them.

Beth said...

Thanks for a wonderful post. I agree with the last comment.

AJ's mommy said...

Awesome post. I hope they can work things out. Bless you and your mom for reaching out to them.

Stacie's Madness said...

wow.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Wow. You are a wonderful person to not "intrude" on their privacy!! And an even better person to offer a shoulder. Good on you!