Jun 14, 2007

Practice at letting go

I have been writing about my life and the ups and downs, confusions and clairity and it all comes down to this moment...loving somebody. I have fallen in love in a way that has been foreign to me. I have loved a person so much that I have actually forgotten to love myself at times. And I have experienced somebody else's love and passion about ME. That is a concept that has never happened in my entire adult life. And though this love has brought some confusion and fear, it has also brought me comfort, joy and peace. And in the end, the person that I love is leaving...me? I know that this move is about her and the need to find joy and happiness. I know that staying here is not bringing her joy and I truly want that for her and her daughter. And in the end we need that to make us a happy team. But the other side to that story is that in order for her to feel happy, she needs to leave me and move to a different state. A state that is practically on the other side of the world from here and now fear has a new meaning.

In a couple of days I will be driving towards her new happiness and then returning to my home. I will have to say good-bye. We have agreed to try and make this work, but in the end, she lives in another world and I am here. So for now, how do I say good-bye? What does that look like and how do I actually pull it off? How do I get it together and live my life? Love hurts...isn't that what people say? All I know is that I had love and the only way to keep the love that I had is to let that person leave and find peace and happiness some place else.

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