May 14, 2008

Stop the insanity

Oh my friends, you have all been great. You read my blog and post comments and I look forward every day to hearing from my virtual friends. I know that in the past I have thought about taking a break, but tonight I have decided that it is NECESSARY to just stop for awhile. I will continue to read your blogs and make little comments from time to time, but the only thing that I find myself writing about is my pain and confusion. And it's time to stop...stop the insanity.

She talks about finding herself and liking who she is now. And more than anything she has clearly moved on. I found out tonight that she has been in a relationship and they have already fallen in love and started a full fledged relationship. And that information has simply taken my breathe away. It has only been a short time and I am left to realize that she didn't feel the way that I have. The love she claimed to feel for me was not true and in fact she already moved on and I must not have been worth much if it is so easy to forget and move on. Less than two months ago we were saying we loved each other, we were meant to be together forever and would make this work. And now ...somebody else is the person she loves and making plans with. I have lost the person that I love so much, I have lost my family, I have lost my best friend...and so much more than I am not going to write. I am not perfect and I guess I should have told her what to do and not supported her in all of her needs to make decisions and find her way. Maybe then I would be lying here next to her writing a blog about our upcoming summer break. But I didn't do it that way, I tried to just love and support her and trust that when she told me we would always be together that she was being honest. I have worried about what to say or share, but in the end this is my blog, my feelings, my heart. I had been holding out hope that there would be a happy ending for us but now know the ending will be solo (on my part). So I need to get away from thinking and talking about what to do and I need to address my heart. I need to heal and this blog currently reminds me of her and us on a daily basis.

I promise that I will return. I will return only when or if I heal and have other things that occupy my mind, heart...life. I can't just snap my fingers and move or fall in love like she has. I still have feelings that make that impossible. I promise that your lives will be much more interesting for me to read than mine is to write. So for now, please understand that it's just too much. See you around.

20 comments:

R said...

I"m sorry you will be taken a blog hiatus, but I understand. There were some weeks where I just could not write. But then i decided that I needed to, regardless of anyone read my horrible pity party, I needed to write it, and get it out there. I understand where you are coming from, I know it is just horrible to lose the person you loved more than anything. I still can't move on, so I am there. Please feel free to emai me anytime. Positive thoughts to you! BTW, I like the hair cut!!

The UnMighty said...

If it's any consolation, she's probably lying to her new love too.

Yeah, maybe that's not any consolation. Sorry.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Just remember.. should you ever need us..... we'll be here!

Take care.

H. said...

I'm so sorry. Almost the exact same thing happened to me just this morning. I completely feel your pain.

Jennifer said...

And I was just getting to know you... sometimes a break can be a good thing. I encourage you to keep a written journal off-line though. It might help.

Stacey said...

i am sorry... i wish you would write, but we understand... i will keep chcking to see if you hve changed your mind...

minijonb said...

may you have a productive, restful and short hiatus. we'll be here when you get back.

Marcy "meg" said...

I am so sorry... but I understand. You take care of you, and I will be here when you get back!

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh hon. I just finally get around to updating my links and...
I get it though.

Take a break. It will give me time to get caught up on some of your archives.
Take care of yourself, toots.

Kelly O said...

Sometimes being a grown-up sucks, doesn't it?

Caroline said...

Right now you need to do what is best for you. Hang in there...it will get better.

Eye of the Rainbow said...

Just found your blog, I hope when life gets back to normal a little bit, you will come back! I am in the same place you are, it must be in the air!Take care of yourself!! Remember everything happens for a reason, even if we cant see why right away!

Stacey said...

thanks for your kind comments!!! I really appreciate them!! I hope you are back soon. x

Stacie said...

keep your head up!!!

SP said...

Patiently waiting while you take your break. Take care of yourself and I'll be here when you get back :)

Caroline said...

I was looking for an email address for you because I wanted to send you an email. My email address is: carolinesemail73@yahoo.com

Hang in there...You will be OK.

Eye of the Rainbow said...

here is my email address,
galedrial@hotmail.com
feel free to email me!

Eye of the Rainbow said...

here is my email address,
galedrial@hotmail.com
feel free to email me!

Tom Quinn. said...

Just found your blog. Don't be gone too long.

WendyB said...

I'm sorry you are having this heartbreak. I wish you the best.