Still here

I am having one of those moments when I have a ton of things to talk about, a ton of ideas, thoughts, emotions...but can't seem to sort through the topics, type the right words or muster up the courage. So maybe tomorrow...

Now I wait

I am waiting for information that is pretty important...and I'm not ready to share with everybody yet. But suffice to say that just waiting is not my area of strength and so I have been trying to keep myself busy. That is part of the reason that I joined my boot camp and I have to admit...I AM LOVING IT! My trainer is funny, smart, focused and determined to make this experience something that I will never forget. This morning when I tried to get out of bed and it hurt to stand I was able to promise that I won't forget the boot camp.

Back to the point...she and I were talking yesterday about keeping busy, staying focused and making healthy choices. So to try and keep me busy she designed a work out plan for me to follow on the days that we do not have camp. Today's activity...run a 5k. Hmmmm...really! I mean isn't that usually something that I'm suppose to work towards? I'm on my way to give it try and I guess this is her idea of keeping my mind busy while I wait. I was thinking drinking a bottle of wine!

Boot Camp

I joined a Boot Camp last week hoping to help me get healthy, motivated and drop some more of that stupid weight! We meet at a park close by and our trainer has an obstacle course set up to test our endurance, strength and sense of humor. Last night I went to boot camp and after one hour could barely make it to my car. My body surprised me and was much stronger than I ever thought possible. I'll have to take some pictures...it's a funny site to see I'm sure!

Their family

"We don't pick our family"...I say those words regularly to hurt students, angry parents and sad friends. I also have to remind myself of that line from time to time! Tonight was one of those times that I needed a reminder.

I have a great relationship with my parents...that doesn't mean that it's not dysfunctional from time to time, but overall we have a good relationship. And one of the things that makes it good is that I have accepted and even made peace with the fact that we can only speak so many times in a week, I can only spend a certain amount of time with them before a break is required. And more than anything...I have accepted that they will always judge me, always want me to do what they "wish" even if it's not what makes me happy. They love me the only way they know how...and I no longer expect anything else.

My brother is a completely different story! I only have one sibling...and he was my best friend throughout my childhood. But as we have grown older, we live totally different lives and have nothing in common. Okay, so we both love our family for what it is; we can be in the same room together for holidays and events and in the end, we will always love each other. So while we love each other, it's fair to say that we don't really like each other as adults. My brother is married and has a daughter...and she is such a great person! In fact, tonight my niece is spending then night and we are going to do some fun stuff tomorrow. I love spending time with her and have been looking forward to this for a week. So tonight after work I drove to their office to pick her up and neither my brother or his wife said a single word to me. Not one single word!!!! How random is that and for no reason.

It's not that surprising, because they have been known to do that periodically over the years. The truth is, I am the accommodator in my family...the person who does what ever is decided by the others so I can ensure that nobody will be hurt, angry or inconvenienced. Remember that post when I questioned if I was worthy...welcome to the core of that issue! See what you learn when your a therapist! But back to the point, tonight I decided that I had enough...so when my niece got in the car I turned to my brother and his wife and told them it was rude to not speak to me. I told them how excited I was to spend the time with my niece and I deserved a hello...at the very least. I got in the car and drove away feeling so proud that I stood up. I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a part of me that felt like calling and apologizing to avoid any bad feelings. But the fact is that I didn't...I stood by my words! I stopped accommodating their silly behavior.

So tonight my niece and I went for a walk, had dinner at a fun restaurant we found and sat on the couch watching a movie and laughing out loud!!!! I know she didn't pick my for an aunt, but I am grateful for the title!

Avenue Q

I have been working teacher conferences two late nights this week and have an excuse to leave early! My friend called yesterday and invited me to see Avenue Q tonight. I have read the reviews and think that it sounds smart, funny and bizarre! Anybody had the chance to see yet? I'll write a review!

I'm playing hooky

I'm not playing hooky exactly, but I'm still excited about a small break from my crazy job! I have several doctors appointments tomorrow afternoon and was planning on leaving work around 2:00. When my stupid boss walked into my office and asked that I go to a training class that he signed up for but decided wasn't important enough for him. It's by my house and starts at 8:00. So my plan...stop by the training at 8:00 and by 10:00 the day is mine to enjoy the sun, warm temperatures and the excitement that only comes from playing hooky.

A chance at change!

Yesterday morning my boss informed myself and three others that there was a strong possibility that the Presidential candidate who is best known for his quest for CHANGE would be speaking at our school next week. We were under strict orders to remain silent about the possibility until the final confirmation. And within two minutes of this secret, which I will admit would be fun, I was thrusts back into a typical day as a high school assistant principal. With a fight, fainting student, drug sale, stolen ipod, stolen phone, drunk girl, angry parents, another fight and a pile of paperwork to follow. And by 6:00 p.m. I had completely forgotten about the possibility of change. Instead, I was begging my co-workers for actual "change" to buy myself a soda and crackers from the vending machine.

I finally got around to reading my email by 6:15 and realized that our building did not make the final selection...no CHANGE for us! Bummer!

Why is it...

that when things are stressful, you don't feel good and it's raining outside that seems like the perfect time for your mind to walk down memory's lane? WTF!!!! As if that is helpful...NOT!

IKEA coming to Denver-area

That is the headline in today's news. Okay not "the" headline but one of the headlines that caught my attention. It's the small things that make a day better.

Gift basket

One of my friends decided that a fruit basket from a local farmers market was the perfect gift to cheer me up. So tonight I decided to cut up one of the apples and eat with carmel sauce. Okay...I have to say that it's fat-free carmel sauce but I was trying to trick my brain. Back to the apple...I cut it in half and look what I found! Ugh! No more carmel apples and the fruit basket is sitting outside on the porch.

and then...

Focus on what?

I love the fact that at the last minute McCain decided to announce that Sarah Palin is his choice for VP! The announcement has evoked so many different responses from democrats, republicans, independents and everything in between. My first response...WTF!!! I felt like McCain was slapping all of the women of the U.S. in the face by assuming that if we supported Hilary it was about her vagina and not about her politics. I wanted to pick up the phone and let him know that unlike men...women can see past the vagina! I do support a strong woman who believes in education, equal rights, woman's reproductive rights, economic growth and an end to this war! But I don't believe that Sarah Palin can support any of those ideas!

So today...the uber conservative republican private life was splattered all over the news! Her 17 year old daughter is 5 months pregnant and is going to keep the baby. And Palin made the announcement that she is going to marry the babies father...of course! Note to 17 year old daughter...I'm sorry that this is a difficult time and hope that everything turns out great for you and your child. Note to Palin...how about that Focus on the Family idea now!

I guess McCain didn't know her well enough over the past 5 months to help lesson the hit to his political campaign. Just another example...we expect more from the next president. We expect somebody who cares, supports and understands.