Oct 17, 2008

Is that me?

I have this book...scrap book...hope book...book of my passions...book of reminders. Okay, so it's not that easy to describe but I'm going to try. I started to keep pictures, quotes, articles from books and magazines when I moved out at 17. Each of the items I kept spoke to me and at times spoke about me. I think that it was my way of sharing myself and my secrets without having to share with anybody else. The book has grown over the years and I continue to add new pieces and at time take away things that no longer speak to or about me. It is my story...you the know the back story that puts all of the pieces together to make me who I am. I have only shared the book with one person to help express who I am, what I love, what I fear...what I hope for in life. Sharing that book open myself 100% and made me feel vulnerable. But I realized recently that I haven't searched for anything new to add in a very long time. In fact, I haven't even touched the book in over a year.

Last last night I couldn't sleep and was searching the t.v. for something entertaining. Oprah was on and she was interviewing Gloria Steinem. My family often refers to me as the Gloria duplicate because of my quest for equality. It's never meant as a compliment and I have always had mixed feelings about being feminist because of their criticism. I believe in equality, I believe it is necessary and a fundamentally right. But some of the stigmas are difficult to address. For example, I don't HATE men and I don't believe that it's necessary to feel that way when supporting women. When I fell in love with Melissa there was a piece of me that worried that my family would blame that love on my feminism. I know better know and I am comfortable and confident with my beliefs and knowing that I am simply who I am...and I should not have to apologize to anybody. It is also believed feminist are angry people...I am not that type of person. I am passionate and determined and brutally honest...but not angry. But then Gloria made the statement that she likes who she is, what she has done, what she is about...and she didn't sacrifice anything she wanted.
So in the middle of the night I found myself searching for my book. And as I flipped through pages I was reminded of what I love, what I hoped for, what my secrets were and reminder of my dreams. I don't want to be alone all of my life (as Gloria has spent most of her life) but I don't want to be afraid of being myself either.

10 comments:

us 2 said...

what a cool idea to have that book...
your post was deep.............i do not believe for one minute you will be alone ....you are a wonderful person.......
cheers

WendyB said...

Yay for feminism!

MB said...

yes, you are wonderful. more than wonderful.

R said...

You will so not be alone for the rest of you life. Anyone who doesn't scoop you up and hide you away from the rest of those crazy lesbians is CRAZY b/c you rock and you deserve to be treated with respect and love and dignity and you deserve only someone like that. Don't ever shortchange yourself, that right woman will be there around the corner, just have to squint a little bit ;) Hugs to you!!

Catherine said...

All movements have their crazies. Not all feminists are angry. Well, angry in some sense. I am not an angry person by definition, but I am angry that I still don't make the same wage as a man for the same job. I am angry that my daughter is pretty and my son is smart (so say the nice people that meet them in passing).

But about you? You. Are. Awesome. Because you are you. And if someone hasn't had the good sense to snatch you up, like R said then you're hanging out with a bunch of dummies.

Marcy "meg" said...

Very deep and good post! Very neat idea to keep that book too!

Stacie said...

i love the book idea...you are who you are and I think you are a beautiful person!

Stacie said...

tagged and awarded on my blog, come see. :)

John said...

RE: "...For example, I don't HATE men..."

I, for one, am glad to know that. : )

SP said...

To be able to love who you are, where you've been and where you are headed... It's a wonderful place to be in life and there are many who never get to experience that kind of contentment.