May 6, 2009

Okay...wait, do what?

It's time to lighten the mood for moment. And I can't believe that it has taken me this long to share this with all of you. It's part humor and part warning! And it all starts the day after our mini blizzard the day before my trip to Vegas...

At the last minute, I decided to try a spray tan so that I could actually wear shorts without blinding anybody. The only thing that I knew about the spray tan was what I had seen on t.v. so I knew that I wanted a person to spray me not a random machine. Or so I thought...

I made an appointment over the phone and had only ten minutes to be on time. I walked into the salon hoping for some warmth to protect me from all of that snow. This small woman introduced herself and told me to follow her into a room. But room was not really accurate, it was more like a large closet with a black tent in the middle. She told me that I needed to take all of my clothes off, put on a shower cap and flip flops she provides. Hmmm...did she really say take EVERYTHING off? Yep...told me that it would be a better look and it was really messy to get out of clothes. She walked out of the room and I stripped down to nothing, added the shower cap (note to self...not a good look), slid into the flip flops just in time for her to reenter.
She tells me to stand in front of the tent with my back facing her and then I feel it! Ice cold, wet liquid shooting at me. Oh, she forgot to mention that the liquid is sprayed by way of an air compressor so it will be cold. COLD HELL...I could have cut glass! So she is spraying my body and talking about nothing important and then I hear it..."bend over." Excuse me..."BEND OVER" she repeats. Huh...what for? She gave me some explanation about tan lines because of my butt cheeks so okay, I wouldn't want that. So there I am in a small room NAKED, for the exception of my flip flops and shower cap and I am now bent over with my hooha in her face. Literally...she is kneeling down with her face inches from a place that I don't share with just anybody. And then it happens...she shoots that ice cold, wet tanning solution up my hooha! Yep...you read correctly!

It took a few more minutes and then she was done spraying everything else on my body and even used some sponge to smooth and blend all over. Well, except for inside me...I guess that doesn't need to be blended. She then tells me that I will feel sticky for a couple hours and that I can't shower until the next morning. That would have been good information prior to getting a tan. In fact, the fact that I was wearing jeans and they were going to be stuck to my body for the next couple of hours would have been good information. And then the final blow..."and you should leave your bra off for a couple of hours." Now for some that isn't an issue, but let me explain my situation. I have a side D cup so a bra is essential in public. Not to mention, I wore a white t-shirt that day and was going to have a drink with my friend after the appointment. So I did it...

In the end, the tan was great by the next morning and was exactly what I hoped. The only issue was that it started to wear off randomly within a day and then I just looked strange! But my only true regret...I was tan both on the inside and out but nobody would ever know! Think before tanning!!!


9 comments:

AJ's mommy said...

:) We need pictures of this! :) I have never done spray tan, but always wondered if I would like it!

Suze said...

I'm sorry - but that is too funny :) One of my friends and I went for a spray tan (the one in the booth that sprays you) and we came out tan and streaky in some places and white in others - like our faces and probably now that you mention it...our hoohas :)

Shawn said...

Heh, heh. That was tooooo funny! So, you had a tan hooha! Heh, heh.

I started using that stuff that is lotion and it gradually tans---it works pretty well....

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

OMG - I had no idea that it is important for our personal parts to get a tan also. How does that happen in nature I wonder?

By the way - laughing my glaringly white butt off over here.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Hahaha! That is HIS-TERRY-CAL!! lol

Whiskeymarie said...

I once went in for a treatment where they rub you down with a salt scrub first (so you're nice & smooth), then a person rubs the self-tanner in for you, so you don't miss any spots. While awkward & humiliating, I at least got a lovely paper thong to wear, so I think you win this one.
;)

Maurey said...

I love the spray tans - I get a couple every winter. They get less awkward after a while. (At least I get to wear paper panties.)

Season said...

I am cracking up right now! The way you wrote all that was perfect... LMAO!

dandelionpicker said...

That made me laugh out loud at work! I think I'll steer clear of the spray tan!