Focus...

I have been writing the eulogy for my grandfather's funeral tomorrow for the last couple of days. I have tried to write in different settings in the hopes that eventually it would all just come flowing out of my mind and express what's in my heart. I was picked (or better yet TOLD) that I was the person selected to speak for the family. I have a history of impromptu toasts to my family and friends and so I guess those were the qualifications in being chosen. I didn't have the heart to say no although every nerve in my body is screaming that tonight.

Focus...I write a few words and then drift off to my "to do"list, back to the eulogy and then lists of blog ideas. You get the point! Expressing myself should be easier than this but I am so worried that my words may not adequately express the love and respect my family has for my grandpa. Sorting through a lifetime of events, actions, beliefs and memories is difficult to succinct into a few words.

But it's done...at least for now it's done. And I hope that more than anything I am able to share that my grandpa did what he thought was best for himself and his family his entire life. He worked hard, played hard and loved unconditionally. He was a rancher, a construction worker, an investor, a husband, a father, a grandpa, a brother and a friend. Expressing his love wasn't always easy but he did the very best he knew how to and continued to try more and more. But the one thing that I learned the most from my grandpa is the one thing that I can't share at his services. My grandpa made some choices out of the need for comfort and not the need to be true to himself. He taught me that this is the only life I'm going to get and I need to make choices to be happy.

Focus...think I just found it!!!!