The end is soon.

Packed boxes, scattered files, overflowing to-do box, empty walls…that’s the view from my desk. It’s the scene of having one foot in the door and one outside. My time is quickly running out here in this job. A chapter of my life if officially coming to an end. The next couple of days are filled with stressful planning of graduation, coordinating finals, saying good-bye to students and staff…friends. I’m generally not as emotional about leaving a job but the past four years have been more than a job. I have given my heart and soul to this job, school, and community and in return it has at times embraced me, punished me and it’s even protected me from the outside world.
This morning I am here looking at the mess around me and honestly trying to figure out how to just get through the next couple of weeks. But then what…what’s in the future? Hopefully some calm and new opportunities.

More than words

Number 15...I wrote about finishing a book recently and it really stuck with me. Most important there was a phrase that reached out and touched my soul. I often get bogged down in "what if" or "should have" thoughts...and five words are a great reminder for me to stay present and grateful. I went to Vegas again for Spring Break and decided to find a new tattoo shop and ink my right arm (which has never been done before).

Welcome home...

And this is number 14! I would like to introduce the newest member of my family...Ethel. She is a 11 week old Goldendoodle. I have never been a dog owner by myself. I grew up with dogs and I have had some dogs in my life but never my very own. She is funny, sweet, sassy and is the perfect "Ethel" for Fred. They have a love/hate relationship which has grown over the last couple of weeks. I love her and can't wait to share more of her with you over the years.

Number 13

I haven't forgotten my list and I have so many updates that I'm hoping to post as much as possible this week. But number 13 happened this evening and I can't get it off of my mind. My parents are both retired now and it has taken a bit of time to adjust to that much "together" time. Especially since my mom can obsess on her "love" and can become a bit too much.

This afternoon I dropped by my parents house (which I will update why on a later post) and my mom was sitting at the table staring outside. As soon as I said hello she started talking and for the next hour I listened to her stress about my dad's health (he is having some issues), my dad's unhappiness with life, her inability to make it all better and that was the moment.

I sat next to my mom watching her cry out of frustration and self loathing because she loves so much and feels like she just isn't enough. The counselor in me came out and we talked that thought process through to a point of realizing that my dad is an adult responsible for himself. And then the daughter in me came out and I offered her my unconditional love and support and promise to help my dad.

But number 13 was the connection in my own mind. I am my mother in so many ways...and I define myself through other's pain and suffering. When good things happen to others I don't make any connection to myself...but when bad things happen to others I believe it's must be my fault. And I finally saw that reflected back through my mom's eyes. Knowledge is power...right?

Happy Mom's Day

Today is Mother Day and my brother's 40th birthday. So I'm on my way to brunch for the big celebrations... My mom is an amazing woman who deserves to have her very own day without sharing any other big moments. But my mom feels like the perfect way to celebrate is to remember her family and helping my brother celebrate makes for the perfect day.

But for me this moment is about knowing I have an amazing mom! She has her moments, like all parents do, but in the end she supports and loves me. She makes me smile and laugh more than most. And she is the perfect person to have in your corner when the world is beating you down. I pray to be a mom soon and I can only hope to be half as good as she has been to me. Love you mom!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

How long?

I haven't written in so long that it feels like starting all over again. I miss blogging, I miss reading other blogs and yet I haven't done that in forever. So I'm going to try and do better and catch up on my list of 100 things. But the burning question in my mind right now is WHAT???? My comments have shrunk over the year but now I seem to have a new following. I read the comments and have no idea what they say. But I guess thank you for following.