Secrets

Secrets have a funny role in my life. I have rarely been accused of holding myself back and not sharing everything in my life to anybody who asked. My relationship with Melissa has been the contradiction to my beliefs. In the beginning we both had a secret for different reasons, but ultimately it was to protect each other. As time went on, our secret was shared with different people at different times for different reasons. I have never lied about spending time with Melissa. I have kept no secrets when it comes to missing her and Ellie and trying to see them at every opportunity. I would answer honestly if anybody asked...including my parents.

I have shared with the true friends and some of my co-workers. I have received mixed responses. Some of my friendships remained solid...and some disappeared. While there have been some hard moments in loosing friends, I always believe that it's nice to know who your true friends really are. Several months ago, almost a year, Melissa and I talked about seeing a counselor together to help me process and create the right words to share with my parents. I never went to a counselor to figure that out...maybe it's time.

While I haven't said the specific words to my parents, I have shared with them how much I miss Melissa and Ellie. I have shared how important it is for me to visit them as much as possible. I talk about how we were all going to live in this house. I have shared with them my feelings and emotions. My parents are fully aware of my bond and connection with Melissa. I keep wishing that they would just ask me directly. That would be so much easier to answer honestly.

Either way...some call it a secret. I call it living my life and figuring it outthe best I can on a day to day basis. I guess I'm still growing. It's not my secret...just my process.