Nov 3, 2008

Who does it effect?

I see those commercials all the time...depression effects everybody! I am trained to identify depression, provide strategies to deal with depression but not actually be depressed. And yet I have finally accepted that depression has a tight grip on me.

It's hard to admit that fact to myself and even harder to admit that to others. I feel embarrassed about my weakness and have been thinking of myself as pathetic. I am not normally a depressed person. Hell, I have never been described as weak...and yet I have felt trapped almost powerless in a fog for some time now.

So I have been working on all of the strategies I know to work through this fog and come out on the other side. Therapy, exercise, staying busy, spending time with family and friends and getting lots of kisses from Fred. I have even been able to laugh at my random outbursts of tears to my trainer during sprint exercises, to the Blockbuster worker checking out my movies, even the strangers sitting next to me during my work conference. And through that all...I am at least able to smile knowing that they must be thinking my hormones are all over the place. If only it were that easy.

I am working on getting my confidence back. Feeling strong and healthy again, liking myself physically and mentally. Depression has a grip but I am determined to win! I am doing the work...so I will get there. Depression makes you feel so isolated and I was hoping that by writing this I would feel less alone and maybe even let somebody else who might be feeling that way to know they aren't alone.

14 comments:

us 2 said...

i wish i could find the words to let u know how much u have helped me and made me not feel so alone ......
thank u
what a great post
i feel the connection
i swear we must of been friends in another life....
dont be embarrassed ....shout it shout it from the rooftops .....i beleive everyone goes thru it in their life...dont hide it ....take your depression out of the closet and one morning it will be gone...take care......

Sornie said...

I think that the slef-discovered therapy you are doing is far better for depression than any medication could be but I am not a big fan of pills so I may be a bit biased.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I am so pulling for you. I am confident you will pull out of this.

R said...

Hi my friend. You are amazing!! You have used your "challenges" and are trying to help others, I mean really, how does one even do that? And you are. You are not being afraid, you are not standing alone. You are going to pull through this and be such a stronger person on the other side. I have complete faith in you and I know that you will come out of this healthier and happier. Have faith in yourself, I do!! Thanks for being so brave!!! YOU ROCK!!

AJ's mommy said...

Admitting it and talking about it is a major step! I wish you much success in beating it!

Catherine said...

Good for you. And thank you for reaching out. I think that's the hardest part, asking for help. While you didn't *ask* us to do anything, including us in your journey is important.

As I like to say "fake it til you feel it." Works in lots of situations.

Stacie said...

*hugs*

Whiskeymarie said...

I bounce in and out of my own little "bouts" with the big D. I like to think that it means I am an especially intuitive, thinking, feeling, too smart for my own good kind of person.

I think that applies to you too.

Without the downs you can't appreciate the ups.

Keeper Of All Things said...

How brave you are. Depression is very hard to talk about. Sounds like you're on the right track.
You are NOT ALONE!
Stay strong.

Kelly O said...

With your job, you see a lot of people who are working through their own issues with depression, right? And I would think you don't consider them to be weak or inferior. We are always so much harder on ourselves than we are on people around us. Cut yourself some slack. If you weren't at least a little depressed, it would mean you're a relatively shallow person who is perhaps not paying attention. xoxo

Miss X said...

I wish I had the right words to say to bring you out of this.

All I can say is I've been there. And it's tough, but it doesn't last forever. And I think it makes the good times sweeter.

Caroline said...

I know how you are feeling. It was so hard for me to admit to myself and others that I was depressed. Everytime I would get very depressed I would remind myself that by me feeling my feelings I was also healing.

You will be OK. And I imagine that when the fog lifts, you will find that you are happier and more at peace. Just hang in there....

patsy said...

like everyone else has previously stated, being able to name it is huge. as a veteran of our buddy depression, it may not be a pretty road but i know you will emerge stronger. talking aout depression takes away its power. xoxo

John said...

*hug* for you.