Jan 22, 2015

Embracing all of me

I wish that the title reflected that I have fully embraced all of myself but not yet.  I like myself more today than I have in many years.  And I work daily to see myself for the good and bad in hopes to continue to grow.  But sometimes I dissect all of the things that are and could be wrong with me.  Things that I deem make me unworthy of happiness.  And while I focus on the tiny details it really is about needing to feel worthy.  Not for somebody else but for myself.

I have a therapist and she makes me laugh, cry, think and grow.  And one of the most profound statements of my life came from her to explain these moments in my life.  There are moments in life when anxiety and maybe even depression fill the space an the self doubt and self loathing they bring with oddly provide comfort and friendship.  Random and dysfunctional for sure!  But real and honest as well.

So as I enter into this world of blogging again I feel at ease this evening because I said it out loud.  That I know the self doubt and self loathing is not real and it is not me.  It is simply a by-product of stress and anxiety.  Maybe one day I will conquer it completely and ultimately embrace all of me.

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