Sign me up

There aren't really many t.v. shows that I catch regularly...The first 48 (best t.v. ever), Law & Order (the original), Amazing Race (I so want to be on this show) and of course, the Biggest Looser. I am always inspired by how hard the people train, change their lives and loose soooo much weight! Plus, I have a huge crush on Jillian so that is usually reason enough. But I have to admit that after watching last night, I simply wanted to smack those stupid people who are training with Jillian this season. I love that she threatens to cut their arms off, punch them and kick them in the a@#! I mean really, when looking for a trainer to push you to a healthy self imagine wouldn't we all pick the person who yells, curses and threatens us. I would give anything to have a couple of months to train one on one with Jillian and I promise to make her threaten to rip my arms off and beat me with them.

Is this real?

Okay so this week has been crazy at work. It is Homecoming week and that means spirit theme days, powder puff, football, parade, foodfest and of course...the dance! I have shared in the past that attending games and dances was not something I ever had interest in during my own high school years. Well, that really hasn't changed except that now I am required to participate and encourage kids that it's sooo important. But that isn't the strange part of this week...it's something very different.

I don't remember if I have shared, my high school boyfriend cheated on me after two years and got the girl pregnant. That baby is now a sophomore in high school...at my school (such irony)! I don't have much contact with him or his family because he has been staying focused and attending classes and staying out of trouble. But tonight I was supervising the dance floor and there he was showing off his break dancing moves and in that moment felt like time had rolled backwards and I was back at my own high school dance. Well...if I had actually gone to Homecoming I imagine that it what it would have felt like a flashback. Every song tonight was a remix from the 80's (they ended the night with the theme from Dirty Dancing), all of the dresses where a flashback from the 80's (there was even a few headband, neon tights and over sized shirts) and the dance moves...BREAK DANCING! Who knew that was going to have come back?

So I stood there for a few minutes watching this young man dance to impress his date and felt like it was very familiar. Except that the music was so loud that my ears hurt, kids were avoiding me because I am an adult...not cool! And so I am going to bed realizing that the 80's are back and I am excited that I'm past neon anything and watching break dancing isn't exciting.

Still here

I am having one of those moments when I have a ton of things to talk about, a ton of ideas, thoughts, emotions...but can't seem to sort through the topics, type the right words or muster up the courage. So maybe tomorrow...

Now I wait

I am waiting for information that is pretty important...and I'm not ready to share with everybody yet. But suffice to say that just waiting is not my area of strength and so I have been trying to keep myself busy. That is part of the reason that I joined my boot camp and I have to admit...I AM LOVING IT! My trainer is funny, smart, focused and determined to make this experience something that I will never forget. This morning when I tried to get out of bed and it hurt to stand I was able to promise that I won't forget the boot camp.

Back to the point...she and I were talking yesterday about keeping busy, staying focused and making healthy choices. So to try and keep me busy she designed a work out plan for me to follow on the days that we do not have camp. Today's activity...run a 5k. Hmmmm...really! I mean isn't that usually something that I'm suppose to work towards? I'm on my way to give it try and I guess this is her idea of keeping my mind busy while I wait. I was thinking drinking a bottle of wine!

Boot Camp

I joined a Boot Camp last week hoping to help me get healthy, motivated and drop some more of that stupid weight! We meet at a park close by and our trainer has an obstacle course set up to test our endurance, strength and sense of humor. Last night I went to boot camp and after one hour could barely make it to my car. My body surprised me and was much stronger than I ever thought possible. I'll have to take some pictures...it's a funny site to see I'm sure!

Their family

"We don't pick our family"...I say those words regularly to hurt students, angry parents and sad friends. I also have to remind myself of that line from time to time! Tonight was one of those times that I needed a reminder.

I have a great relationship with my parents...that doesn't mean that it's not dysfunctional from time to time, but overall we have a good relationship. And one of the things that makes it good is that I have accepted and even made peace with the fact that we can only speak so many times in a week, I can only spend a certain amount of time with them before a break is required. And more than anything...I have accepted that they will always judge me, always want me to do what they "wish" even if it's not what makes me happy. They love me the only way they know how...and I no longer expect anything else.

My brother is a completely different story! I only have one sibling...and he was my best friend throughout my childhood. But as we have grown older, we live totally different lives and have nothing in common. Okay, so we both love our family for what it is; we can be in the same room together for holidays and events and in the end, we will always love each other. So while we love each other, it's fair to say that we don't really like each other as adults. My brother is married and has a daughter...and she is such a great person! In fact, tonight my niece is spending then night and we are going to do some fun stuff tomorrow. I love spending time with her and have been looking forward to this for a week. So tonight after work I drove to their office to pick her up and neither my brother or his wife said a single word to me. Not one single word!!!! How random is that and for no reason.

It's not that surprising, because they have been known to do that periodically over the years. The truth is, I am the accommodator in my family...the person who does what ever is decided by the others so I can ensure that nobody will be hurt, angry or inconvenienced. Remember that post when I questioned if I was worthy...welcome to the core of that issue! See what you learn when your a therapist! But back to the point, tonight I decided that I had enough...so when my niece got in the car I turned to my brother and his wife and told them it was rude to not speak to me. I told them how excited I was to spend the time with my niece and I deserved a hello...at the very least. I got in the car and drove away feeling so proud that I stood up. I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a part of me that felt like calling and apologizing to avoid any bad feelings. But the fact is that I didn't...I stood by my words! I stopped accommodating their silly behavior.

So tonight my niece and I went for a walk, had dinner at a fun restaurant we found and sat on the couch watching a movie and laughing out loud!!!! I know she didn't pick my for an aunt, but I am grateful for the title!

Avenue Q

I have been working teacher conferences two late nights this week and have an excuse to leave early! My friend called yesterday and invited me to see Avenue Q tonight. I have read the reviews and think that it sounds smart, funny and bizarre! Anybody had the chance to see yet? I'll write a review!