Jun 24, 2008

Lots of updates

Okay...I haven't been so great at updating my random posts recently. So here is the scoop! This is the picture of all of the dust that I'm dealing with!
I am still working on the remodel. In fact, what was suppose to be just a bathroom remodel and plumbing overhaul, has turned into much, much more. Because of the demolition, the hall way leading into the bathroom is now in need of a remodel. My house was built in the 1930's so the walls are made of plaster. Just an update for all of you remodeling...plaster is easily cracked on supporting walls....so demolish carefully! But, I am trying to deal with the dust, chaos and continued work on my limited budget.

The bathroom is now 100% empty and ready for reframing. I have been walking downstairs to use the bathroom in the middle of the night for over a week now and it is helping me appreciate the new bathroom - I think! In fact, I'm not sure if I have ever said this before, but this house was suppose to be a new beginning for my family. And now it is my new beginning. So while I have been demolishing the walls, concrete floors (another amazing discovery) and 70 year old plaster...I have been demolishing my broken dreams while hoping to start over. Who knew that this would be part of my therapy.


Back to the remodel...of my house (not my soul), one of the major discoveries during this remodel had me speechless. In fact, I still have very few words to express my feelings about this discovery. But the company slogan might actually say it all.
Who actually thinks of advertising the "best in asbestos?" I guess they didn't know better in 1930. So today I am working on reframing with the help of my uncle. He is very patient and has really helped me in my building skills. I think that HGTV or the DIY Network might be designing a show because of my new skills!
Another update, I wrote about Pride this weekend and I got a lot of support...thank you. In fact, there were a couple that wanted to know more about Pride and we got the chance to talk via email and received even more support! So thank you again. I did go! And in fact, I went by myself for over an hour - before I could find my friends and then we stayed for a couple more. It was good, fun, hot and hard..all wrapped into one. I drank, danced, shopped, laughed, cried and even had the opportunity to talk with a few new people. I'm not ready or interested in dating yet...it's only been a couple of months and again...you all know that I think only a crazy person begins another relationship so quickly! But it taught me that I can do this by myself...even if it is hard. And, I learned that other people are interested which was nice for my self esteem (was much needed).
I was going to post something yesterday, because it was exactly one year ago that I returned from taking my "family" to Indiana. I thought of them as my family and I was trying to support the person that I loved the most in following her dreams. So much was brought up yesterday for me that I found it difficult to get through the day. But as I went to bed I remembered that I did exactly what I thought and believed was right for everybody. I would have moved to Indiana, I would have remodeled this house to meet their needs, I loved bug and spent the time to build a trusting and loving relationship with her. I loved Melissa more than words and I gave all that I had to make this be my life long partner. I was honest, loyal, faithful and devoted. But that wasn't what she wanted and I have no choice but to rebuild my life. And I no longer feel the need to beat myself up for something that I had no control over our ending. She made her choices and now I have to make mine...to move forward and fill my life with people who love and support me.
So all of this remodeling has forced me to take a look at my life. I live in a great community...very open, diverse, friendly and supportive. I have an amazing circle of friends who show up, provide love, support and the occasional kick in the ass when needed. My family has been supportive and understanding more than I could have ever dreamed. I miss bug every day. I miss what I thought our relationship was and the dreams of a future. But I look forward to getting stronger. I am excited for my new bathroom and new start in this house. I am researching my options to become a mother and believe that I have a lot of love to give! And while I am scared of what the future holds, I am hopeful that I will meet an amazing, honest, caring, loyal person to share my life with...hopefully.



12 comments:

Whiskeymarie said...

You sound like you're in a good place- and there's nothing like a huge remodeling project to give you time to think things through.
;)

PinkPiddyPaws said...

ha..ha..ha.. Best in Asbestos!! That's a riot! Hopefully you are being very, VERY careful with that stuff. Gotta love your lungs in one piece. :)

I'm glad you are working things out. I know how hard it can be and our hearts and our heads always give us grief with one another.. "listen to me! No, listen to me! No..no.. listen to your heart.. no..no.. listen to your head, I'm the smart one." blah..blah..blah..

Oh wait.. it is bad that I have voices in my head? Darn!! ;)

Marcy "meg" said...

It does sound like you are in a good place. I am wishing you the best!

SP said...

I still can't believe you are doing it all yourself. YOU ROCK! Email? I didn't get no stinkin email. *pout*

Caroline said...

I also can't believe you are doing all this by yourself. You are a lot braver then me. And I loved reading the end of the post...Yes you will find that someone special to share your life with....I promise that.

Suze's Sass said...

Great post. Now that picture of your dusty bathroom is scaring me.

Stacie said...

WOW...maybe I should tear down the walls in my house, sounds like it is really helping you. :)

Just as you are rebuilding your home for you, you can rebuild your heart, your self esteem and your life. YAY!

minijonb said...

Don't smoke any of that asbestos dust. I heard it's not good for you.

You are very brave doing all that work! I had a friend try to do his own plaster work, and he said it the most challenging thing he's ever done.

R said...

my friend. i am so proud of you. first off remodeling your bathroom just rocks. what a good lesbian. lol. and then just taking the time for you and not rushing into it. you and i rock. we are so gonna get together and have our one or ten drinks. lol. keep taking care of yourself and know you are never alone. sending you a big hug.

Renaissance Woman said...

Wiskey - Trying to get to that place. I have learned so much about my self in this process. Like I was the sane one!

Pink - Trying to keep my lungs in one piece. Keep fingers crossed.I have same voices. My head said...she is crazy and my heart says she is a liar! Sounds the same.

Meg - Thanks! so excited for the baby.

SP - check your inbox!

Caroline - I have found myself. Maybe that has been the best part.

Sue - Now you know what your bathroom will look like in a couple of days. Ugh!

Stacie - You should try a remodel. So good for your soul!

jonb - wish I had the skills to redo plaster. Tearing it down and putting drywall up! But it is hard.

R - thanks girl! I do feel stronger being able to remodel myself. And you are right - we are the sane ones...survivors!

Kelly O said...

Good luck with the renovations, external and internal. I'm rooting for you!

Whiskeymarie said...

I forgot to mention- we have asbestos tiles on the floor of EVERY room in our upstairs, and in our kitchen.
Yay.
I feel your pain.