Oct 23, 2007

10,000 thoughts and more

I tell Melissa almost daily that I don't feel like a true "blogger". I started a blog because it felt like a place to share what was going on in my life, express feelings that were at times to difficult to say out loud and clear my head of obsessive thoughts. That is not blogging...or at least interesting blogging. Melissa tagged me the other day and I was suppose to write 7 "interesting" things about myself. Ugh! SEVEN INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ME???? I couldn't come up with one interesting fact...and I don't think of myself as a boring person.

But I was thinking tonight on my drive home about the random thoughts in my head. How can a person who has that many random thoughts get so stuck on the thoughts and incapable of articulating any single item? So here is the beginning of those thoughts and maybe once they are in writing I will figure out how to finish a thought. For anybody who has read my previous blogs knows that being "stuck" is often my biggest enemy.

1. Will I ever gain control of my body...in every or any way?
2. How do I save the money needed to feel secure?
3. How did I end up in this career...how do I not have any idea what I really "want" to be when I grow up?
4. What does Chester do all day?
5. How does my handsoap turn from liquid to foam when I push the dispenser?
6. How do I fix all of the things I screwed up?
7. This is going to be Ellie's best Christmas and I'm not going to see. Can't wait for Melissa to experience the pure joy in bugs face.
8. What flights are going to work out?
9. Matthew is going to be so happy to be with Melissa and Ellie.
10. I would love if there was actually a dinner prepared for me when I walk through the door.
11. What is my lot in life.
12. Am I a jealous person? I don't like that about myself (never knew that about myself).

Do you see what I mean? That is just a sample of my thoughts this afternoon. I have those thoughts in my head 24 hours a day (nonstop). There is almost never an answer and I rarely feel comfort with the question.

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