Oct 15, 2007

Selling out

I have struggled my entire life trying to fight for equal treatment and respect for everybody...not just for myself...maybe never myself! That is an aha moment. I have been trying to figure out who I am and why it doesn't seem to fit any place. When I was a little girl my mom would dry my tears when my friends would turn on me for stupid reasons and she would always say "you are the kind of person who always give 150% to everything and you are never going to get 150% back...I'm sorry". The lesson my parents always hoped I would learn was really about "choosing my battles". I am now 34 years old and still am no better at picking my battles then I was at 13.

Integrity, honest and loyal were the three characteristics that meant the most to me in all of my relationships. I always wanted people who met me to use those three words to describe me...and maybe I am none of those. I think that there are people in my life that would describe me using thoses three characteristics. There are also people that describe me as a "bulldog" with no emotions, concerns and compassion. There are those people who would describe me as a sell-out. Am I a sell-out? Do I have any integrity? How do I get that person back? I don't want to be a sell out...

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