Mar 30, 2008

Not so easy...

The past several months have not been something that i am hoping to live again any time soon. Between the house woes, weight gain, BOSS (shit head), putting Chester down and now losing my family...I think that maybe I have officially hit bottom. Please, please, please...if you can hope for that to be true I would be so grateful.

I so appreciate all of you who have read my blog and provided comfort and support when I am sure you have been thinking "will there ever be a happy moment in this girls life." I have had a lot of happy moments in my life, hell I've had a lot of happy moments in this month. But it's hard to feel happiness when you are all alone and mending a broken heart. I have depended on my relationship with Melissa to help me feel comfortable and confident to post different thoughts. She was my constant, the person that I told all of my stories and secrets to and then decided what and how to share with all of you. She really is the smartest person that I have known, except for maybe my dad, but I depended on her to help me say things correctly and sort through what might not sound so smart.

Sorry...I got off topic. I am going to try and go back and talk about my life, feelings, and things that catch my attention. I guess...I'm going back to the basics. So while I am trying to take life one minute at a time, I will also try to just put myself out there and hope that this blog starts to look a little more upbeat.

If I could say one more thing about life being easy, I guess it's really a question...does it ever really happen? Are only some people destined to love and happiness. I know that everybody has lost a relationship in their life...I know that. But I waited a long time for this one relationship and I wanted nothing more than for it to work out. And I continue to think about what I could have done differently, should have done differently...if you work hard isn't it suppose to work out? If it were up to me I we would all be together and working towards happily ever after...but I have been told that it's not that easy.

5 comments:

R said...

Uhhhh.. I am such not a good person now for positive feedback about this. I am struggling, hoping for a different outcome and praying for one. So, I don't believe in telling someone to Move on. That happens in our time, whenever that may be. I just send you positive thoughts to take things day by day, that's all we can do.

Renaissance Woman said...

r - Thank you so much for the support. You would think that as badly as we would like to fix things and since we are willing to do what ever necessary that we would have different outcome. I hope the same day by day thoughts work for you.

Suze's Sass said...

Ugh, sometimes life just sucks doesn't it? I wish I could just give you a hug and take you out for some coffee. As much as you hate to hear it right now, it'll just take time to heal and start feeling better. In this day and age, you'd think they'd invent something to make you get over your troubles and sadness quickly. Well, they did invent tequila, but that's only short-term. Hang in there my friend.

Renaissance Woman said...

Suze's - thank you so much for the hug...I will take it and the tequila as well. We are no longer talking so I know that now it's just the day to day waiting for the clouds to lift. I had the cure for sadness...being alone is so much less painful.

I think that tomorrow I am going to buy a plant. Then I will have something alive in my house and somebody to talk with when I feel weak. How pathetic is that!

Suze's Sass said...

You're not pathetic at all. The loss of someone you love is heart wrenching. You feel so alone and unloveable. Go buy the plant and the freakin' tequila. Send me an email and I'll tell you all my tequila recipes :)