Feb 25, 2008

Where did the oxygen go?


Grief is such a strange emotion. It's like a roller coaster that has highs and lows. At the best of moments, I am remember the sweet times, funny traits and love. At the low moments I find myself on my knees in tears remembering coming home and being greeted, sitting on the couch being lovers (my term of endearment)...even putting food on a plate. My grief has taken over my world and I keep trying to find a shallow place to stand up and breathe...even for a second.

I go to work and try to hide behind the stacks of paperwork, endless flow of kids and chatter of angry parents. And then it's time to go home...and I revert into a weeping, lonely person. I know in my head that grief takes time and is normal. But my heart is having a more difficult time catching up with logic. So for now, I am going to continue to push through the days and hope that one day I will remember all of the memories with tenderness but not emptiness.

5 comments:

Queeny said...

Awww, Ren. My heart aches for you. I hope your loneliness is short-lived.

Candy said...

I am madly in love with one of our cats (I love both of them, but one...well...he's special). The thought of losing him would send me to my knees as well.

I am so so sorry about Chester. I guess time will heal the wounds, but it sucks in the meantime.

Suze said...

Hang in there. Hugs going your way.

Liz1971 said...

hi, i'm liz...i hope you don't mind me visiting your blog- i visit melissa's blog and know of you... just wanted to say how sorry i am about chester. i lost my dog in december. it is so very hard, isn't it? thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok!

Jaded said...

It does get easier. It really does. I still miss my Girlie, but, now the memories all involve joy and not the sadness. I wrote about it a long time ago:

http://jadedandopinionated.blogspot.com/2005/03/not-so-much-rant.html