Apr 9, 2008

stumble my a@#...

I went to therapy this morning and I'm sure that it's not a big surprise. It always feels a little strange as a therapist to get therapy. And I usually know what they are going to say and ask, but I can also admit when I need help gaining perspective. But during my session, she looked at me, handed me Kleenex and told me that this was a stumble in my life. WTF does that mean! I was so angry and snapped back at her. This is my life and I want it all back!!!! I didn't f@#$ing stumble...UGH! After she put her head back on that I ripped off...she apologized for sounding stupid (my word not hers). But she then went on to clarify that stumbled meant that something happened on my journey and I tripped and have fallen. And at this point I can either spend every minute stuck on the ground trying to figure out what I could have done to avoid the fall, or I can stand up again. And if I stand the pain and confusion may still be there, but at least I am trying to be on my feet again.

So today I stood up again and I am going to try and stop fixing things that I have no control over. I have stuff to work on in my life that needs some attention and I need to focus on what I can control, not the things I can't. I have been afraid that if I stood up again that the door would close behind me...and then there would be no hope for it to be better. We talked about trusting that I have been clear how I feel and about what I want. She asked if what I have been doing has changed the outcome...NO DR. PHIL! So I am going to stand up and take a step towards life again. And I would be lying if I said it doesn't scare me to death that I will never have the life I want again, but I have been clear...I love, I miss, I hope...and I also have to be a strong woman and stand up.

6 comments:

us 2 said...

hi i have been reading your blog and really can relate to ya

i wish we could be pen pals......

Renaissance Woman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Renaissance Woman said...

us 2 - you seem familiar to me...

I'm sorry that you are going through a similar situation. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. Love is suppose to make the world go 'round (that's what my mom says). I would comment on your blog or send you an email but you don't have one.

Thanks for visiting. Hopefully we will both have happy endings.

Suze's Sass said...

It's been one of those days for you huh? Just know that they'll get fewer and far between. I'm sending hugs your way my friend!

Stacey said...

i know howu feel... as a psychologist, its hard to go to another... but i think you did the right thing, and i think you are on the right track here... keep on keeping on...

us 2 said...

hi ....what i meant is i kinda think like u do but i am in a relationship that has lasted over 20 years and very happy ...i just have struggles in other areas like jobs ...friends etc....i cannot figure out this blog theing but feel free to email me
i am just looking for friends with same interest......and i felt your connection....i am happily committed so no worry there just want a pen pal and new friend....email is
screaminlady@yahoo.com