Apr 28, 2008

TGIM...

How stupid is my life that I'm grateful for Monday. Weekends are hard...down time is hard so coming back to work gives me a real focus other than myself. The constant thoughts that run through my head...what if, could I, should I...blah, blah, blah! At the end, nothing changed and I have just been harder and harder on myself. Yesterday I was working in my yard when the girls next door came over and asked if bug could play. They didn't know. How could they have known. I sent her a gift today and hope that it brings her joy and a smile to her face. She use to talk to me about having a sister and that I should name her Strawberry. So I have been thinking about those memories and it brings tears and a smile.

Melissa and I use to joke about my constant conversations in my head. She was my partner and best friend, but I still had conversations with myself or Chester daily. But because there is nobody else to talk with now, I find myself either in complete silence for hours or having a constant conversation hoping that everything will be okay. One step forward and ten steps back. That seems to be my dance. So for now, I try to picture the look on bugs face when she opens her gift. I put Melissa perfume on my wrist so I can have something close. And I try to just put one foot forward. TGIM!

3 comments:

Marcy "meg" said...

I wish I liked Mondays :)

Renaissance Woman said...

I don't usually but it seems to be the highlight recently!

Suze's Sass said...

Just don't talk to yourself out loud at the library. You'll get the big "shush" and tag you as nutso the rest of your visit :)

Hang in there!!