TGIM...

How stupid is my life that I'm grateful for Monday. Weekends are hard...down time is hard so coming back to work gives me a real focus other than myself. The constant thoughts that run through my head...what if, could I, should I...blah, blah, blah! At the end, nothing changed and I have just been harder and harder on myself. Yesterday I was working in my yard when the girls next door came over and asked if bug could play. They didn't know. How could they have known. I sent her a gift today and hope that it brings her joy and a smile to her face. She use to talk to me about having a sister and that I should name her Strawberry. So I have been thinking about those memories and it brings tears and a smile.

Melissa and I use to joke about my constant conversations in my head. She was my partner and best friend, but I still had conversations with myself or Chester daily. But because there is nobody else to talk with now, I find myself either in complete silence for hours or having a constant conversation hoping that everything will be okay. One step forward and ten steps back. That seems to be my dance. So for now, I try to picture the look on bugs face when she opens her gift. I put Melissa perfume on my wrist so I can have something close. And I try to just put one foot forward. TGIM!