Starting over

I have thought about my blog constantly since taking my much needed break, and I have worried, planned, written and erased possible entries on a daily basis. But first, I wanted to thank all of you who have offered support, clarity, understanding and even a kick in the butt over the past couple of months. Starting over is hard and scary, but it's also the only solution possible at this point. So I decided to try and work on myself, like myself and trust myself again...and eventually open myself up to love again. I know that healthy people do not bounce from person to person...that is just crazy behavior and totally unhealthy. And I am determined to be a healthy, whole person again . So as the poster says...everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten:

A - Always make sure that I only give myself to somebody who is honest, caring and has integrity. Somebody that will appreciate who I really am and makes me an equal priority.

B - Believe that I am a good person who loves and lives 100%.

C - Choose to move forward and not get stuck in the ugliness of the ending.

D - Drink for celebrations not for self medication. I have done both the last couple of month.

E - Enjoy the people in my life that are caring, honest, loyal...family, friends and myself.

F - Feel exactly what is in front of me. I can't hide from the sadness, shock, disappointment, anger and even happiness. I have to move through the center of those emotions.

G - Grow and learn from each experience (although it still sucks).

H - Heal. It's a minute by minute process.

I - Investigate all of the things that bring me joy and begin to put back into my life.

J - Just breathe! I know that sounds stupid but it's been a necessary phrase.

K - Keep busy, keep trying and keep moving.

L - Listen, learn and love. I need to listen to my heart, learn to start over and believe love will come again.

M - Make myself move (it forces me to keep busy and get out of my head).

N - Notice the good things about myself. This is hard for me, but I think necessary to make sure I am treated better in the future.

O - Opportunities. I am determined to have new experiences this summer.

P - Prepare for good and bad moments.

Q - Quit blaming myself...I didn't do anything wrong but give my heart and soul.

R - Rest, relax and rest some more. I'm on summer break and need to catch up on some sleep.

S - Survive. I am a survivor and this too will pass.

T - Trust the people who are in my life now. And therapy...I am still going.

U - Understand what I want next and what I am looking for next.

V - Visit with people as much as possible to meet new people, learn new things and just be.

W - Wait...just wait. Time has to help...right?

X - Xplore the world around. Okay, I know that it didn't start with an X but what does.

Y - Yell! I have done that in my house, car...really any place that that urge takes over.

Z - Zip back to writing. I have been writing in a journal on my own, but I am ready to share my ideas and life with you again.