MY HEART BREAKS WHEN I THINK ABOUT HAVING A BABY...OR NOT. I have mentioned in the past that having the baby urge both feels random and shocking. I spent my entire life believing that you are born knowing you are meant to be a parent and because I hadn't had that feeling I didn't need to really worry about the urge showing up later. But then WHAM!!!! it feels like I got knocked over the head.
I work with two women who are pregnant and suddenly I feel a knot in my stomach just listening to their experiences, dreams, goals. I have a friend who recently gave birth and I have avoided seeing simply because holding her baby may trigger a bigger feeling. I was talking with a friend today about the possibility of not ever having a child and that it might be something bigger than I can think about. I planned my life based on the knowledge that I love kids, but being the "primary" parent wasn't in the cards. So now that I have the baby thing going on...my life isn't set up for an easy decision. At some point there is a time when you have to think about your life and what you have to offer. That time seems to have begun for me and yet I don't feel like I have the tools to even consider new ideas.
So is saying out loud that I have the baby urge going to make it disappear or is it going to become the only thing I can think about? I'm not sure...but I do know that I always thought that if I was going to have a child it would have happened no later than 35. Hmmm...that doesn't give me much time.
3 comments:
Let's have a baby!!!
I never considered having a child. I never really wanted one. I always joked that I was born without a biological clock. But, after being married for a few years, I found myself in the emergency room miscarrying a child I didn't even know I'd conceived. It was very early in the pregnancy. But at that moment, I was in love with that child, and in such deep mourning for the loss. I lost another pregnancy after that, only that time it was planned. I had my daughter at 36. I'd have had another if I could, but I wasn't able to.
So, first, If you really want a child, give it some serious consideration. That would be a big regret to live with if you just let the time pass by. Second, don't give yourself such a deadline. You can safely have kids after 35.
That's just my unsolicited advice. I wandered over here from MB's blog. We've been blog buddies for a long time!
Welcome jaded...it was nice to see that somebody else actually reads my blog. And more than anything thank you for the unsolicited advice. I'm not about a deadline, but I am about wanting a child and trying to figure that out for myself.
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